What I Find Fascinating…

In my line of work I get to deal with all types of personalities, cut from a million different cloths. And my challenge, as a trainer, is putting together programs and materials suitable for all of them. So I do. But as I come to learn more and more about the individuals I share office space with every day is how…and why...they fascinate me. Yet, it’s also how respect is built.

A people watcher by nature, I often stay quiet for a time. I use this time to feel people out, to figure out how to react to them in the most effective manner possible. I let them do the majority of the talking, and, when I do, what I find often fascinates me.

One particular person comes to mind as I write this. He is a retired CEO, a man who has been married (happily, might I add) to the same woman for 36 years. He took her on, and her son, and raised the boy as his own. And, while he is a retired Army veteran, having served his country in Vietnam, I find that he and I are cut from much the same cloth, regardless of having come from very different circumstances. And this…this is where respect is born.

And it’s funny.

See, he waits. He, like me, waits and listens to people. He lets them do the majority of the talking. And since I spend at least two out of my nine hour days lecturing and training, using my own experiences to draw upon, he has had the unique opportunity to get to know me to the point where he feels comfortable sharing things with me. And he does…often. After just two short months of being in the position I am in, I have seen people on the verge of giving up on real estate...transform. And that…that makes me happy. 

When even my boss says, “I attribute the positive changes around here and with person X and person Y to you…” I know I’m making all the right moves. And watching them grow, transform and become passionate makes me even that much more passionate about what I’m doing. Because, for the first time in a long time, even though my reach might be a little smaller, I can see the effects of what I am building with my own eyes…and I love watching it.

Yet, I digress. As we (my frenesis – friend/nemesis) talk, we joke, we share information, I found something out about him that reminded me of me so much that it was almost an eerie similarity.

You see, once upon a time, he met some people who were open, loving, honest people. And he, like me, stayed quiet, waiting to feel them out. Invitation upon invitation he declined…waiting. He never wants to owe anyone anything, much as I don’t.

But finally, that moment he said “yes” to an invitation, he made a lifelong friend; someone who he has shared the past 19 years with…quite happily.

And this is when it hit me.

We seemingly difficult people have our walls up, for whatever reasons that we do, only because we want to see who is worthy of breeching them. But if we never let anyone breech these walls, we miss out on lifelong experiences, everlasting friends and maybe even long standing relationships that have the power to change us, to make us better people.

Life is short. Grab on to the happy, and hold on tight. Because when we don’t, we lose.

And, of course, I can’t forget the track from my Soundtrack of Life.

Now, YOUR turn. Any thoughts? 

Read more »

The Awakening

Spring…not my favorite season by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, if I had to pick a favorite season out of my all-time personal favorites, it would be (and probably always will be) the fall. I lean toward the blatant beauty of broken colors, the frail falling of the leaves, the browning of the green; the slow, tantric transformation of everything living falling slowly into hibernation, the living things moving slowly into their long, sometimes infinite, sleep. For without that long sleep, nothing ever grows again.

Fall speaks to my soul in a way that few other things do. However, just as every Golden Age is preceded by a Dark Era, I remember that every Dark Era is equally preceded by a Golden Age. Because of this, I have embraced spring…for the first time in a long time. Because I see the metamorphosis coming in my own life as I watch the remnants of a Dark Era that quickly moved into a Golden Age only to transform back into a Dark Era and for history to repeat itself once more as I watch a Golden Age come alive out of the ashes, but this time, and probably for the first time, the Golden Age is of my own creation. And maybe, just maybe, there are those of you who are right there with me.

Because, you see, I realized something infinitely vital: It is only those who fly solo that have the strongest wings.

You see, as I began questioning the epicenter of all of my innermost personal relationships, I came to an undeniable conclusion: Broken people latch on to other broken people in attempt to fix them, but it almost never works. People tend to become comfortable, stagnant and make excuses for one another in the names of love, friendship and understanding. There becomes a blatant lacking of the push to challenge, to become better; all in the name of acceptance.

Then, suddenly, when the push does occur, the seeds of resentment are planted. And herein lies the beginning of the end. Excuses make way for personal failings. Acceptance is the virus that allows people to make decisions they shouldn’t. And people become so replaceable, so disgardable, that the second you no longer like what someone has to say, you turn off, you cast them aside, in favor of the comfortable.

Yet, here is one undeniable truth: Change is uncomfortable, and it should be. Change is the one thing that forces us to become lesser or better; but the choice is always up to us. We can either be the vessel of broken dreams and empty promises, or we can become the person we were supposed to be all along; the person we intended to be, before we got side tracked into becoming someone else.

Yet with those seeds of indignation that mark the beginning of the end of one thing, also mark the beginnings of other things. The beginnings of what are up to you.

So what is your new beginning going to be? What’s your Building block? What’s your stepping stone? I’ve dealt with mine. Have you done the same?

Tonight’s ‘Soundtrack of Life’ selection was one I was listening to as I was penning this. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Bring it. Do your worst. Happy reading and happy listening. 

Read more »

Breaking From the Pack

I am going to preface my blog today by saying that I don’t believe that people are all bad or all good. I don’t. I do, however, believe that there is a severe disease when it comes to a paradoxically parasitic type of thinking that occurs in groups. And I can say this, because I was l deep into this particular thought methodology for longer than I should have been.

Not Proud

The next thing I have to say is that I’m not proud. I’m not proud of the mean, nasty person I became when I subscribed to a mentality of believing I needed anyone else’s approval or blessing when it came to how I lived my own life, or the choices I made in it. I’m not proud of her. Not at all. I shouldn't be. While I built certain relationships, I also lost touch with me. 

This is Where It Comes Out

Next, I am going to say that I was brought certain people in my life to help me when I needed help. For that help, assistance and ability to vent I am (and will forever be) truly grateful. I hold absolutely no ill will, other than what happens next.

The Thought Process

There are times in your life that too much gets shared, too much is seen; far too much of what should be private is held in the eyes of far too many people. People who might mean well, but who have absoultely no idea how to help you navigate the complicated waters you are navigating; people who give you advice that ends up being detrimental, more than helpful, regardless of intent. 

As the adage goes, too many chefs spoil the broth. When I realized this, I took a step back. After I blew up on them, I sought assistance and counsel from a professonal. That professional advised me to cut some people out of my life for a time, just to see what would happen. And when I did, chaos ensued.

Then, even when I went to said group and did my commupence, and apolgized, I received nothing in return. Because they had, already, as a group come to a consensus. Even though said consensus was all wrong. 

And This Is When I Saw

Originally, I was going to go to war. I had passwords I shouldn’t have, screenshots of conversations I shouldn’t have and PLENTY of material that would have brought many a person to their knees. There were so many wrong assumptions, so many lies, so many hateful and nasty comments that it would have sent anyone reeling. And, I admit, I did reel, for a time. Then, I turned it off. I stopped looking. I stopped worrying about it.

It was at that point, I realized the most important thing about the entire thing: Those things were what they were. As wrong, as ill informed, as ridiculous as they were, as passive aggressive as the status updates became (and I’m certainly guilty of doing this myself…but only for a weekend, no longer), I realized something else: My life is bigger than just a few people. It always has been and it always will be. And out of all of the things I read, all of the things that I COULD post, all of the things I could use to defame and destroy, that really would only serve to hurt people that didn’t deserve to be hurt in the fallout. Me, them, and the innocent. There was so much evil that went in on that group, so much hate, so many catty coments that it would only serve to hurt everyone involved, and everyone spoken about. And that...that is just wrong. And it's wrong because not a single one of us was qualified to talk about anyone else in that manner, including me, and sometimes especially me. 

So That's the End of It

At the end of the day, this ‘group’ preferred to talk about me rather than to me – among others…and I myself am guilty of the same. My silence to said group (and about it) proved my professional correct. Sadly, horribly, completely correct. And it broke my heart. In more ways that I can every put into words.

This is What Happens When You Get Into GroupThink

My professional told me to put these few people on my restricted list on Facebook. I did. These few people wanted to think that being on my restricted list was because I was hiding things from them or talking about them; that made me laugh. They wanted to believe that I was making posts about them, when I wasn’t. 

In fact, the only reason they were on that list was because I got TIRED of the catty comments and status updates; the likes on statuses that shouldn’t have been liked, because they knew me better than that. Or, at least, they should have. But they didn’t. Not a single one of them. And that’s perfectly okay. At least with me. Because I got it. I finally, finally ‘got it’.

You See, Here is the Thing

Throughout this “ride”, I opened up my heart, my home, my life to these same people just as much as they did for me. At the end of the day, I chalk all of this up to the same a failed relationship. But I will also say this: I’m not sad. I’m not sorry; not anymore, not after seeing all that I have seen.

But see, I’m also eternally optimistic. I always believe that people can heal, become better, recharge and reshape themselves…but only if they really want to. However, in order to do so, they HAVE to break away from the pack and seek advice from people who have the education, knowledge, experience and education to really help them. And then, choose to help themselves. If you don’t…you get stuck. You get stuck in a rut of “acceptance” from your peers; you don’t strive for better, you don’t grow, you don’t challenge yourself. And if you do none of those things, you really are already dead.

War? It’s over rated. It’s just a call to drama. There is more strength in gentleness than there will ever be in catty comments or nasty updates any day of the week. So…have at it. And when you realize you are wrong, that you’ve been wrong about it all, all along, that will be your cross to bear, not mine. Until that day, I wish you nothing but health, love, prosperity and wellness. Why? Because it’s the right thing to do, because that’s the product of independent thought. 

I don't pretend that my life is perfect. I might be a mess, but at least I own it. And, at the end of the day, authenticity counts for more than faking it ever will. Eventually, everyone learns this lesson. Until that day, I only wish those who would wish me ill will peace, harmony and happiness. So there you have it. 

My soundtrack of life song comes to you direct from my heart: Fly. Because no one has ever held me down before, so don't think you'll begin now:

Read more »

Wherever You Are

If you had told me one year ago how much my life would have changed, transformed, been torn apart, subsequently reconstructed, twisted, crazy, topsy turvey and downright crazy that it would be today, I would have laughed in your face and walked away -- most likely continuing to laugh with each passing footprint toward whatever destiny was to befall me anyway. I imagine that many of you out there can say the same thing; I imagine that far too many of you reading this can also attest to the fact that in just 365 short days, 8,760 hours, your life changed dramatically. And maybe now, it’s changing dramatically again. And maybe, just maybe…it’s supposed to.

You see, the past couple of weeks got me wondering: “What if wherever you are is precisely where you are supposed to be?” Because if you were anywhere else, nothing could fall apart or come together in quite the same beautifully imperfect, improbable way that it is or that it has? I began pondering that if you don’t make bad choices, how can you ever decipher what the good ones might be? And then I got to wondering why so many other people wonder why it’s not okay to be not okay…because it is you know. It’s perfectly okay to not be okay, to not pretend as though life is wonderful, happy, sunshine and roses. It’s okay to be you, whoever that is, and even to let your freak flag fly -- within reason, of course. Because, you see, a perfectly normal dose of self-expression is, at the end of the day, quite a healthy normal thing, regardless of whatever button downed life guru might say...at least for me.

Mind you, I’m no psychologist, and I’m certainly no self-professed authority on life. I’m just wading through the pits just as you are, but I do often enjoy asking the questions that (it seems) so few people want to ask one another, or even themselves.

Here is how it worked for me; this is how it clicked. It wasn’t until I let go that breakthroughs really started to happen; amazing, life changing, conscious altering breakthroughs. It wasn’t until I waved the white flag, took a time out and actually did the things I kept saying I was going to do that things really began falling into place precisely where I needed them to, in a way I never could have expected.

So instead of wondering “Why” something is happening, spending time dwelling on what’s lost, what’s suspended or what’s out of reach, maybe it’s better to wonder how that same something will look 365 days from today, after 8,760 hours have passed once more.

Just a thought.

What are yours? 

Read more »

Forgoing Foresight

I never would have foreseen things turning out the way they have, not in a million years. But you know what? I’m grateful that they have. Despite all of the twists and turns down this winding road, I finally found what I needed to find, and I finally found it all by myself.

Mine & Yours

I own my life. Do you own yours? Good decisions, bad decisions, right decisions and wrong ones, all of these decisions are now mine again. Completely, totally and utterly mine. And that has given me a lightness of heart I’ve never had before, as well as a capacity for forgiveness that I was lacking for a very, very long time. I’m not angry anymore. Finally. And that was a long time coming.

Justification

We all justify things in our own minds based on what we think we know. Truth is, we probably don’t know as much as we think we do. And where does that line of thinking take us? I’m not sure. And that used to bother me. Now? It doesn’t. Not one bit. I found my reality check and cashed it. And from it, I was left with change…not of the monetary variety, but a change in me. And I rather like what’s left over. It’s something I can work with and mold into something better. I let go of the justification, the anger and the regret and found something underneath it all that I wasn’t expecting to find at all: acceptance.  Because you are never going to get where you are going if you stay stuck where you’ve been.

Irony, Humpty Dumpty and Quiet

Ironically, I wasn’t able to put anything back together, not the way I needed to, until I silenced everything and everyone else in my life. And now? Things are coming together in a way that they never would have before, of that I am quite confident, and in a way that I never even dreamed possible. Because for the first time, in a long time, I’m taking my own advice…and owning it, sans justification. What’s more, is that I know that this Humpty Dumpty repair bit that I’m embarking on is the right thing for me…which is all that truly matters.

I suppose that sometimes we all need that catalyst to make us realize that it’s time to reinvent ourselves, and maybe to even reinvent our entire lives in the process. I am. I took a good, hard look at a lot of things in my own life, and actually learned from them this time. How? Because this time, I’m doing something about them, one by one and I’m doing them in silence until they are done. After all, talk is cheap…a rather Herculean epiphany coming from a word merchant, right?

What’s my point in all of this? Well, it’s simple. None of us can change our yesterdays, but we all have the power to change our today’s. I don’t know about you, but I’m taking that little tidbit and running with it, and, even more than that, I’m taking ownership of it. Your turn. 

Read more »