The Love Dare Diaries: Introduction



I will preface this post by saying that the reason I haven’t been blogging much lately is because I have been on a deeply spiritual, very personal journey. And so far, it’s been a journey I’m not entirely ready to share all of the details about just yet. However, as opposed to my normal sarcastic, sardonic style (don’t’ worry, we will get back to that), I am undertaking a 40-day challenge that I hope will help me become a better person and maybe even help me make some huge (overdue) changes in my life. As I document it, I hope that it will help others out there become inspired to do the same -- Which is, in essence, why I am doing it. This might shock you, but I do have a heart, and the truth is, it’s a big one. 

A Little Backstory
Over the last few weeks, I have been attending church. This is a huge step for me (since I have been an Atheist for a long, long time), and is something I haven’t done in over 15 years. What prompted my sudden supernatural wakeup call? A series of unfortunate events three weeks ago led me to say the first prayer I have said in as many years. And the result shocked even me. 

Strangely enough (or I guess you could say through an act of kismet or serendipity), when I said my prayer, it was answered within five minutes of my uttering it. I was in a bad place that night. It was 3 o’clock in the morning and I was on a dark highway. I was begging, pleading and in tears, asking, no, begging for help. You see, someone in my life was lost and hurt; and I was desperate to find them. Once I said the prayer, the call came a few minutes later; they had been found. I rushed to the destination. And even though the initial result left me with a bad taste in my mouth (based on how my prodigal lostling treated me) I began thinking about how everything played out. I could only conclude that the Universe (or God) works in mysterious ways, and that maybe it was time for me to open myself up to something new. 

So, I did. I reached out to a friend of mine and asked if I could go to church with her. 

Back a Little More
Yet it wasn’t just this solitary event that prompted my change. For the past four years, I have been living my own personal version of hell. I have been unhappy. I have been angry. My anger was directed at the world, at everyone, at myself, at life in general, for plethora of reasons that don’t matter to anyone but me; just know that I have been consumed with a deep kind of rage that made me both bitter and cynical. It turned me into a dark, clouded version of who I am at my core. I was tired of it. I was tired of being angry all the time, and I was finally ready to admit that to myself. 

The initial impact of church, for me, was an emotional one. I found myself in tears, or on the verge of tears, for most of the service. The message that day was all about forgiveness and mercy. I needed to hear it. My soul craved it. Finally, for the first time in a long time, my heart opened up a little that day, and I began to forgive…everyone, even me. 

Skipping Ahead
Of course, I still slip and fall. I am, after all, just like you; a work in progress. All the same, I find myself trying a little bit harder every day to be a little bit better me than the me I was yesterday -- even though you might not see it. That’s the beautiful thing about working on myself from the inside out, I get to see the benefits of that transformation inside my own personal cocoon first. And hopefully, you’ll be able to see it soon too. 

Moving Forward
That brings me back to my original point: this 40-day challenge bit. I have been reading a book, “The Love Dare” and while I will not disclose who I am practicing these newfound tactics of love, patience and kindness on, I will say that it is with someone who my relationship has been horribly strained for a very long time. My goal, however, is not to fix this relationship, as much as it is to impart a lesson in my own heart. The cards, for this, will fall where they may. But perhaps the reason things have been stagnant for so long is because I’m not making the right moves to push things forward. More is possible through love, I think, than is possible through anger. 

So, I lend myself to something bigger than me and trust that I am doing the right thing, for now. After these 40-days are through, the answer will be clear, and the forward motion inevitable. Each day, over the next 40-days, I will be blogging about the challenge I have accepted for that day, and what I struggled with when working on that challenge. 

Funny thing is, since I began attending church again, I feel as though the message I get each week is tailor-made for me. The message is something I not only need to hear (even if I know it anyway), but something I need to work on applying a little better in my own life. Even more than that, amazingly enough, something I can track back to all of my relationships, and even, this Love Dare project. All I can say is that, like everything else, I am taking it one day at a time. I will do my best. There will be times I will fall, moments I will struggle and I might take a few steps backward. That’s okay. The joy is in the journey. So, I hope you choose to take this journey with me, starting tomorrow. 

With love to you all,
Shauna
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