Tuesday, February 26, 2013

From Confusion to Clarity



I had one of the most honest, heart wrenching conversations with a friend of mine last night. We talked about relationships, past and present, making mistakes and questioned why we do what we do. It was…enlightening. It taught me a lot about me. It took me from confusion to clarity.

Sort of.

You know, the thing about other people is that everyone else thinks they have the answers. They give us advice, they tell us how to live -- or how not to --, they make suggestions, and they mean well. I know that they do. Heck, I do the same thing. The only trouble with that is that everyone relates other people’s experiences to their own; they are relegated to that. And, the truth is, no one is educated enough about you to speak on your life, no matter how much they might believe they are. The bottom line is that no one’s experience is yours. So quit letting other people tell you how to live.

And it might very well be my rebellious nature, it might be that I have this crazy gift of intuition, or it might be my generality to go against the grain in life -- because that’s what I do --, but I realized that sometimes you just need to turn the music up and drown out everything else.

 Learning lessons, figuring out truth

Beauty is born in chaos, not in boredom or mediocrity. The most beautiful people have lived the most chaotic unpredictable lives, not the most stable, normal lives. These people go through periods of darkness; in fact, the most brilliant people among us embrace their inner darkness, because they understand the power required to harness their demons, but they also allow themselves to feel the entire gamut of emotions that they need to; whenever they need to. And when you are going through things that no one else can even begin to possibly understand, sometimes you just go dark, because you need to take that breath. You just need to take a beat and feel it. Because you know that, if you don’t, you can’t understand the good that comes after.

You have to understand that God, the Universe, or whatever you believe in gives the hardest battles to the strongest warriors. And that doesn’t mean that the warrior is perfect, but it does mean that the warrior can handle it. All you need to do is step back and let them. They will. Have some faith.

Being analytical means that you have to understand one simple truth: You can’t have a rainbow, without a little rain. And sometimes that means crying in it, not dancing in it. And I dare anyone to prove me wrong.

Being “healthy” isn’t always about being predictable. Sometimes, it means that you work through what you need to, when you need to, as you need to.

So…I’m taking my life back

My choices, my decisions are mine. I own them. And I don’t ask for anyone’s input or approval. I know what I need to do, so I’m just doing it. For me, this means clamming up a little bit. It means talking less. It means sharing…a lot less. Because, for the first time in my life, I’m admitting to myself that if I can’t figure things out on my own, on my own terms, and on my timetable, I never will.

And guess what...neither will you.

Which leads me to my song selection for the “Soundtrack of Life” tonight: Stand in the Rain. And the “why” is my own, but I encourage you to make your own why. After all, making your own ‘why’ is what’s life’s all about, isn’t it? 


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