Lately, I have gotten to thinking a lot about the expiration
date on people, on life, on relationships and everyone in general. And here are
five things I have concluded about them all. Perhaps some of this applies to
you, to someone you know or even to someone you love. And maybe, just maybe, it’s
time to think about them, to really
think about them…and then apply them.
1. Risking it All
When I was a little girl, I had a teacher who forced us to
make gifts for people in nursing homes and to go and visit them. And there is
one visit I won’t ever forget. I had made several yarn covered hangars at the incessant prodding of my instructural matriarch. I remember resentfully clutching on to them as I went to the nursing
home, and I remember seeing everyone in the main room. I looked to my left, and
I saw a little old lady, sitting in her room all alone. And I don’t know why,
but I felt compelled to go into her room. So I left the group, and I walked
trepidatiously into Mrs. R’s room. I remember, quite vividly, her bitter scowl
as I did. Then, she looked away.
I was seven years old. And, at seven, I knew little fear,
and even less holding back – I was always a bit of a rebel, hard headed and
stubborn (and few things have changed over two and half decades later). I
walked up to the side of her bed and said, “Here, these are for you. My teacher
made me make these, and everyone else is passing theirs out in the main room,
but I came in here, because you wouldn’t come out. Why are you so sad?”
She looked back at me. I remember the tears welling up in
her eyes. She said simply, “Because I am alone. Because I have been along for a
long time, little girl. And your being here reminds me of how much it hurts to
be alone.” Again, she looked away.
I climbed up on her bed and sat next to her. I reached out
and touched the old, paper thin hand of her skin, and I said, “You’re not alone,
you know. I’m here. And I’m here to see you.”
A smile crossed her paper-thin lips at that moment, and she
said to me, “Little girl, whoever you are, let me tell you something about
life, and remember this well: People who tell you they will be there for you
forever will fade away. And they will fade away because you didn’t risk it. You
never told them you loved them when you should have, you let them slip away.
You’re young. Don’t do that, and don’t let anyone ever do that to you either.”
I was seven, so I comprehended her words as best I could. I
nodded, I smiled and I left. Then I went home that afternoon and wrote a short
story for her. It was a fairy tale, a “Once Upon a Time” that only a seven year
old could write. And, when my class went back the next month, she was gone, she
had passed away. I never got to give her the happy ending I wrote for her. That
was the first time I felt the cold sting of true regret. I should have risked
more to give her my story. I should have risked what she told me to risk, for
her. I didn’t. I failed.
And, it was at that moment, I promised myself that I would
never fail again like that.
Lesson #1: Risk saying what is in your heart, regardless of the
outcome, regardless of the fear that surrounds you. To not risk this is to risk
losing everything.
2. In the end…
Fast forward twenty years or so. I was living in New York at
the time, and went home to see my grandfather before he passed away. And, as I
watched him slowly decline into the abyss of death that awaits us all, the one
thing he cared about most, the one thing he treasured most were the years he
spent with his beloved, my grandmother. He told me about it one day, and in
such a way that I could see what truly mattered in the end. And, in the end, it
was always her.
Lesson #2: When we come to our inevitable expiration dates, it’s not
about how many people we knew, how many “friends” we could count on both of our
hands, but one or two people who truly made a difference in our lives, who
showed us love, who were there to hold us each time the world let us down, and
who stood beside us in good times and bad.
3. What (and Who) Is “Worth” It
In my childhood, I was always a little bit of a freak; an
outcast. I never did really fit in. Then, in my 20’s, I did. At that point, I
was interested in “collecting” people. And I did. And I collected many people,
and I learned something from them all.
But the one thing I really, truly learned over that decade and a half was one thing in particular: Quality trumps quantity. As I reach the midpoint of my 30’s, I am not interested in collecting people anymore. What I am interested in is forging quality, meaningful relationships with people who are inspiring, positive and push me to grow into the best version of me that I could ever possibly be. And I am interested in this most because of something my grandmother told me years ago: “Shauna, quality people are hard to find. Keep your circle small. Keep it geared only to people who would take a bullet for you. Those people are rare. When you find them, keep them close, cherish them. Everyone else can fall away, and probably should. Quality over quantity, always.”
But the one thing I really, truly learned over that decade and a half was one thing in particular: Quality trumps quantity. As I reach the midpoint of my 30’s, I am not interested in collecting people anymore. What I am interested in is forging quality, meaningful relationships with people who are inspiring, positive and push me to grow into the best version of me that I could ever possibly be. And I am interested in this most because of something my grandmother told me years ago: “Shauna, quality people are hard to find. Keep your circle small. Keep it geared only to people who would take a bullet for you. Those people are rare. When you find them, keep them close, cherish them. Everyone else can fall away, and probably should. Quality over quantity, always.”
And once again, I find myself not fitting in, an oucast...funny how things come full circle. But even funnier is how I am okay with that.
Lesson #3: It is better to stand alone than be lonely in a group of
people who will never really see you for you. Just because you let go of
certain people doesn’t mean they are bad, it just means their part in your
story is on intermission for now. It’s important to learn and grow with those
who encourage you, as opposed to those you take up space. Never be afraid to
remove someone from your life, from your social media accounts or from your
heart if they no longer belong there. Because God (or whoever) brings us the
people we need, not always the people we want.
4. Hope Springs Eternal
Hope. It is something somehow, magically and naturally built
in all of us. If you are like me (and I hope you are not, for the sake of your
own heart and sanity), you always believe that people can change, evolve and
become the best version of themselves at any moment. Maybe sometimes they do,
maybe sometimes they don’t. But I remember something else I learned long ago,
as I ponder my time away with the hamster in my head, and it simply this: “Be
Hope.” Be the hope that someone may have lost in others, or in themselves. Show
them how to stand. Show them how to walk again, and then…let them run. But
believe that with or without you, you have the power to have planted seeds in
their souls that will someday blossom. And do that.
Lesson #4: Be selfless. In life, it isn’t about what we get, it’s what
we gave away. Give your love, your hope, your power, your inspiration and your
strength freely away to anyone and everyone. Because, even though they might
not say it, you might slowly be changing and molding someone. And when that
person tells you the impact you left behind, it might just have the power to
blow you away. Meaningless, small interactions are just that: meaningless. Aspire
to be more. Be the greatness you have in you. Make an impact, and make a damn
good one.
5. No One Is Promised…
Tomorrow is not promised to you, nor is it promised to me.
It might come, it might not. Everyone thinks they have time to think, time to
decide, time to ponder, and time to pick up the phone tomorrow. And you know
what the scariest thing in the world is? The self-same people who suddenly died
one day thought the same thing. And maybe, just maybe, it’s time to bet on the
fact that it won’t. So take today to make that phone call, to send that letter,
to put that email out there, to send that text, to do SOMETHING to show SOMEONE
who means a lot to you how much they do. Because you aren’t promised tomorrow
and neither are they.
Lesson #5: Quit allowing fear, anxiety and stress to rule your life.
Take each precious moment you are given to foster relationships and people who
mean the world to you, and live life on a new level. Because maybe, just maybe,
if we all did this, we could all change the world. Don’t wait. Do it now. Do it
for you, and do it because they might not be there when you wake up.
Of course, I have to have a song to go along with my words.
Take a listen:
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