As I was trying to come up with what to write about on day
one of this 21 day challenge, I found myself the very grumpy recipient of a
mental block of Herculean proportions, and it was slowly driving me to the
brink of insanity. See, that’s the thing about us writers…we brood, and we
never tell anyone why we brood, because brooding, all too often, is part of our
creative process – one of the reasons I am a difficult person to know, and an
even more difficult person to love. I thought I knew what I wanted to say. I
kind of, sort of, had a vague idea swirling like snowflakes on an Alaskan drift
in my brain, but I really didn’t know…not really. I even went to so far as to
reach out to my challenger for a thought, and even though he replied with a
great answer, I (as usual) have chosen to go my own way, based on what inspires
me in the moment. And what is it that inspires me in this moment? Simply this:
Fodder.
I have never been one…
To back away from a good argument. In fact, I will often go
toe to toe and tooth and nail with anyone whose subject matter isn’t logical,
isn’t worthwhile and isn’t (at the end of the day) the right thing to do. And
who am I to decide these things? No one really. I’m just a writer, a blogger, a
wordsmith, a merchant of prose, a mother, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a
woman, a person, but I am also a person who approaches life with much more
humility than what you might expect.
However, I will say this: If I have been blessed with anything,
it’s been one of the rockiest paths of life that anyone has ever dared walk. I
have seen and experienced things that would level most people, so, when I see
petty arguments, disagreements and random judgments about poignant things like
love and gratitude, my blood begins to boil. When I make simple requests of
people who should trust me, to simply trust me, to trust my process, and to
trust that I know what I’m doing –even if I am not ready to share it yet --, I
need them to understand one thing: Those of us who have escaped hell never let
much else bother them after that, but, even more than that, we don’t like
discussing it. All the same, if you push us, you run the risk of losing us
forever. Because those us of who have escaped hell, also understand something
else: We don’t ever want to be drug back to it. By anyone. Ever.
Understand the fight…
There is a war that wages within each and every one of us. A
war of good versus evil, of selflessness versus selfishness, a battle of will
versus desire, a challenge of change versus comfort. A daily fight of not
succumbing to a narcissistic generation, where we value our own words and
opinions over everyone else’s. You see, everyone can teach us something, even a
pauper in a poor coat can give a king a lesson. And this is the fight, and a
fight we all need to acknowledge, just as I am acknowledging my own struggle
with these things, right here and right now. We need to take the fodder we see
in others, internalize it and realize that it give us the fodder to keep
fighting the demons we so desperately want to hide within ourselves. And, when
we understand that, we begin winning the battle, we begin understanding
ourselves…and with that, gaining a better understanding of the world around us.
Then, finally, we understand what love is. And love is simply this: It’s being
so angry with someone that you have nothing left to say right now, but loving
them anyway, up close or from a distance. Because love, you see, is
unconditional, or it does not exist at all. That includes loving ourselves.
And finally this…
There isn’t always an antagonist and protagonist in your
story. In fact, sometimes you play both roles, and you don’t even acknowledge
it, much as I do. So, the next time you feel compelled to share a thought, a
rant, a meme or drop a bit of life advice out there, think about this for one
moment: Which character in yourself does it feed? The antagonist, or the
protagonist? Then, remember, that you become the self that you feed, making it
all that much more important to select wisely. Because I am committed to
choosing wisely on my 21 day journey…wiser than before, anyway. Because
antagonist or protagonist, I also recognize that I am a work in progress (a
humble one) until the day I die. So are you. So which one do you choose to
feed? Will you acknowledge the pain you feed? The desire you ignore? The
passion you fight? The unparalleled capacity you have for self-love and
selfless love? Select wisely, my friends, and if you dare, join me in this 21
day project. Find yourself and acknowledge your demons for 21 days, and see if
you can’t do it for the rest of your life…and maybe just find that when you do,
you see a new and better self-emerge….rise.
For you attract what you are, and
if you want greatness in your life, you must aspire to be just that…greatness…even
if no one else quite understands it…yet.
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