Miss Adventures

Calling All Angels

By: Shauna Zamarripa

When you find out your body is betraying you….again….it’s hard to stomach. It’s hard for you, but it’s also hard for anyone who loves you.

When you get your second cancer diagnosis, it’s like you suddenly morph into Charlie Brown listening to one of his teachers. You can’t hear the words as they fall out of the doctor’s mouth. You don’t want to. And that’s okay. You don’t have to.

They can repeat it.

It’s not the first time they have had to do so for someone else who felt exactly the same way you did.

So, you come to terms with it.

You post it on social media.

You get an outpouring of love and support.

And help.

And suggestions.

From everyone.

And while everyone means well, all of a sudden you feel like your CANCER has CANCER….because you suddenly BECOME this disease…even though you aren’t this disease. Even though this disease doesn’t FUCKING define you…just like it didn’t last time you had it…the last time you beat it.

People will look at you and give you this sorrowful gaze. You can FEEL them feeling sorry for you. And you both love them and hate them for it. You know they mean well. You KNOW they love you and have your best interests at heart, but you are NOT your fucking disease. And you will NOT be defined by it. You refuse to, at the very core of who you are.

After all, you’re still YOU. So why won’t people let you be you after that? You are NOT cancer. So stop thinking you have to be anything other than that.

I’m not faulting a single soul for anything. I’m not. I am greatly appreciative of the love, support and messages I have received, I am. But I want…no…I NEED you to understand something that only myself and a San Antonio icon can help you understand properly.

Louise Locker, “Elf Louise”, gave me exactly what I needed. Probably more than she will ever even know.

In the midst of messages and phone calls, as I was cleaning my house in preparation for treatment, to preserve my (highly debatable) sanity, she messaged me. And out of 180 messages that day, right as I was feeling sorry for myself, I was compelled to open hers. I was glad I did.

We spoke late into the night about SO many things. And we set a date to just sit and chat, the next day. And I put everything else on my agenda aside, because I knew I needed this.

I was right.

And I am eternally glad that I did.

I was nervous. It isn’t every day that you get to meet someone who is a local celebrity. I showered. I put on my makeup, carefully. I MEANT to put on jewelry, but didn’t. I forgot. As I was on my way to her home, I didn’t want to show up empty handed. So I went to HEB, I got her an orchid, some wine and some bread and dip. I wasn’t sure what she liked, so I tried to go with things that just about everyone likes….and was praying I was right.

I get there. I ring the doorbell twice. Finally, after five minutes I realize that didn’t work. So, I knocked. I hear footsteps. My heart JUMPS through my chest as I hear her get closer to the door. She opens it. And instead of a hello, or how are you, she opens her arms and says, “Oh my God, you are SO beautiful.”

Wow.

She thinks I’m beautiful?

I’m astounded.

Immediately, I try and recover and explain that I am so sorry I forgot to wear earrings. Just because I was so excited to meet her.

I recovered okay.

I walk in her home and remember feeling one thing…peace. There is just PEACE here.

She says, “Pick where you want to sit. Anywhere.”

I look around her beautiful home, and I immediately find myself doing my normal (what Jon loving calls) CSI bullshit….”Where will SHE be most comfortable???” I think to myself.

So, as I take in the environment, I look for the ONE chair that has a cat scratch or two, from her companion, Spoon. I zero in. I see it. That’s got to be “her” chair. So I pick the study…for that reason. I sit in the chair opposite of the most cat scratches.

She sits, puts one leg under her, as I often do, and we talk. I also found my leg sneak it’s way underneath the other. I was comfortable. At home. This wasn’t a first date conversation. This was better than that. This was just…wow.

We talk for HOURS.

We talk about EVERYTING. We talk about cancer, we talk about friends, lovers, let downs, inspirations, relationships and how amazed she was about how touched she was shen she read what I wrote when Jonathan Vela died…how she shared that with other people and thought it helped them.

I wanted to screech out in joy, because I was truly flattered. Thankfully, my resting bitch face held my emotion about that….because….wow. I didn’t know I had that much of an impact. I actually almost deleted that post three times, because I didn’t think it did him justice….something else I shared with her that day.

What didn't happen was some other well-meaning soul telling me what I had to do. Just an angel who gave me a few gentle nudges, a ton of positivity and who didn't look at me like I was cancer. Someone who still saw me, and not a sickness.

I was astounded by being able to meet someone so real, so amazing, so authentic that I was inspired to call my best friend immediately after our meeting. “Wow. Just. Wow.” I said. “That woman is a fucking angel in human skin.” Then I droned on and on about how incredible I thought she was, and how glad I was that I went….right up until my narcoleptic bestie dozed off – okay, I’m totally kidding, but c’mon, it would have been hilarious if he had.

And that’s the thing about cancer, or trauma or whatever. You realize that there are GREAT people out there, which is wonderful…..

But you also realize that there are angels out there too. Louise? Nothing short of an angel that I am blessed to meet and to know.

Find your angels, and let them find you.

Believe in them, and let them believe right back in you.

You won’t be disappointed if you do.

Much love,

Miss Adventures

4 Lessons I Learned From My Nieces

Awhile back, the man said something to me that ruffled my sarcastic feathers. In conversation one evening, he referred to me as an ice princess; the end result being my panties quickly crumpling into a wad.

Then, I unwadded my drawers and unruffled my feathers and I thought about it a little bit.

And I realized that he might be (just a little tiny bit) right.

I guess I am kind of an ice princess.

So here is my confession.

I never thought about how cold and intense I can come off at times – to just about anyone, even small children and dogs --, but when he said it, it got me to thinking about all the times in my life that I have been accused of coming off as cold, unfeeling or even a bit mean. There were several.

Okay, okay, there were more than several.

The thing is, I don’t mean to come off like that.

At all.

I love people (well, some people) very deeply. I am just really, really, really horrendous at showing it. In fact, I can’t remember a single time that I have been good at it. My face is usually set in “resting bitch face” mode 24/7, 365 days a year. I can be very intense when I speak, very authoritative and even come off as a bit bitchy – I don’t mean to do that either.

I’m also a bit of a shut in and a hermit, circa Princess Elsa from “Frozen”.

Why am I this way? A myriad of reasons, really. But, after meeting my nieces for the first time this past weekend, I also learned that I need to….

Up until about a year and a half ago, I had never met Sam and Katie. In fact, I have never even met my brother, Dennis. My brothers and my sister were born much further ahead of me in the lineup of kids – over 14 years in fact --, making me the baby and the only child that my father and my mother had. Since my half-brothers and half-sister lived in Kentucky – and prior to the dawn of social media – we had never even spoken. In fact, the first time I ever spoke to my brother was last year.

Crazy, right?

However, after connecting via Facebook, I began talking to the nieces quite a bit –

sometimes even the nephew. And it was eerie how much we all had in common, how much alike we all were. So, one day, Sam and Katie jumped in the car and decided to come and visit Aunt Shauna (aka Princess Elsa). And while I thought I could teach them something about business and blogging and such, they actually ended up teaching me some things instead.

It’s okay to show people how you feel

Touchy, feely is how I would describe my nieces. They would hug and play with each other’s hair and didn’t have the “security bubble” like aunt Shauna does – A security bubble of that includes a strict “no hugging” policy – hugs = death -- and generally liking to keep at least three feet of distance between myself and any other bi-ped with a pulse. However, being around these girls made me realize that it’s okay to be touchy feely; that feeling loved is part of that.

It’s okay to talk to your parents every day

I cannot even describe how cute it was to watch the girls text and talk to their mom and dad a few times a day. There were a lot of “I love yous” and “I miss yous" thrown around – words generally not in my vocabulary. There was a time that I felt I would say those words much more freely, but as life happened, I guess I got a little bitter; cold even. However, the nieces, my brother and my sister-in-law made me realize how important it is to say those things; and that when you are texting family or close friends, you shouldn’t feel like a burden – they might just be waiting to hear from you.

Approach everything with a sense of wonderment

As the girls spoke about the differences between Kentucky and Texas, they did so with an endearing childlike wonderment, and I thought it was absolutely adorable. It made me realize that I rarely approach anything with a sense of wonderment anymore; that wonderment had been replaced with cynicism and apprehension. I need to work on that. And, had they not come down to visit, I probably would not have realized how much.

Give praise. Often.

I admit, I am slow to give praise – like molasses in January slow. I guess that is probably why whenever I have done so in the past I have (literally) freaked people out. The girls, however, are anything but slow to giving praise.

Here is an example: As we went into the mall and I wandered off to grab a phone call from the man, I came back to hear the clerk gushing and saying, “Oh, so THIS is the famous aunt?” And while I minimized it, because I don’t often accept praise easily either, I have to admit, it was nice to be praised.

Something that reminded me that I need to be a little more forthcoming with praise.

So, before they left to return home, I sent a message to my brother telling him what amazing girls they were, how I absolutely adore them and how thrilled I was that he let me borrow them for a weekend. I went on to praise my brother for doing such an amazing job in raising two very sweet, loving, caring and amazing women.

So, I guess I’m on the right track. At least, I am starting out on the right foot, and maybe, just maybe my ice cold demeanor melted just enough to remind me that sometimes we all need an emotional overhaul – or at least a makeover. And sometimes, just sometimes, the people you think you are meant to teach are the people who end up schooling you.

All my love from the bottom of my a-little-less ice cold heart,
Miss Adventures

About six years ago, I had a mystical encounter in the laundry room of the Chelsea apartment building I used to live in. But first, let me give you a quick capsule summary not only of where I was living at that time, but where I was “at.”

I was single, in my 40’s, and feeling a lot like that famous Roy Lichtenstein painting – with the woman slapping her forehead – a thought bubble floating above, saying: “I can’t believe I forgot to have children!”

I remember it was a Sunday evening. I had just gotten off the phone with my friend Lisa, sharing how frustrated I was with my disappointing dating life and admitting I was now ready to give up on ever having a family of my own.

She tried to encourage me to believe in a world where I was happily coupled with an adorable child, but I was NOT buying it. I thanked her, then decided the best choice was to simply quiet my Heavy Longing and give up on this dream.

“Sshhhhh,” I told my Heavy Longing. “You’re bugging me! Please just go to sleep!”

Next, I headed to the laundry room to organize my dry clothes into categorical piles: Yoga pants. Underwear. Sheets. Suddenly I found myself confused. There entwined with one of my g-strings was a teeny tiny tee shirt – a little white one – the size of one of my hands. I wondered: Had I super-shrunk one of my tees to this miniscule size?

I then realized: Nope. This was an infant’s tee shirt, accidentally left behind in the building’s dryer by a bleary-eyed tired mother.

I remember thinking how dimension-wise my little g-string and this mini baby tee shirt made sense as a garment duo. Although as far as my life was concerned, the latter clothing morsel made no sense in my laundry at all.

In fact, this baby tee seemed to be a rather cruel mistake, considering how much I wanted a baby.

I closely examined this baby tee in the fluorescent laundry room light. It pained my heart to look at it. I wanted a baby soooooo badly.

I wondered: Was this baby tee meant to serve as a little mystically sent epsom salts for my fatigued inner spirit – a wake up call for my Heavy Longing – making sure my soul’s truest desires did not go to sleep?

Was this baby tee meant to stop me in my tracks and remind me: “Yo Karen! You know you want a loving partner and child! You must tap into the power of belief that you will get this! You must keep on searching!”

I know that’s a pretty grand message to come from such a mini tee. But that’s how I interpreted receiving this lost item.

I felt like the Universe was staging a Laundry Room Intervention – stopping me from pulling the plug on faith.

I confess: I kept that baby tee shirt. Yep, I stashed it in my laundry basket, then brought it straight to my apartment. I looked at it frequently, to purposefully remind myself of my heart’s Heavy Longing, whenever faith was lagging.

Thanks to that tiny tee I began to tell all the men I dated, on the second date, that I only wanted to get involved with someone who wanted a family. It was this decisive screening process that ultimately empowered me to find a loving partner who was passionate about both me and starting a family.

In December 2009 I found out I was pregnant, thanks to the miracle of IVF, and the miracle of finding a partner who wanted to pay for and do this IVF with me! We celebrated our pregnancy with both of our mutual families.

Now here I am: December 2014. I’m preparing to celebrate the new year with my happy little family – my “two handsomes,” as I call my sweetie and my sweet son.

It’s funny how life works. How one overly fatigued mother’s laundry mistake could create such a ripple affect, encouraging me to upgrade my faith, thereby upgrade my dating habits, thereby create new life to boot.

I credit The Power of Belief for keeping me moving me forward, even when what I was seeking to find felt like a wildly moving target.

It’s also important to note that if I’m giving credit where credit is due, that I must also thank the Power Of Right Action. After all, I didn’t just say affirmations, I did affirmative actions. I put in the effort and bravery to tell men up front about my truest desires. That I wanted a loving, committed partnership and child, even when I felt that this was tough to say out loud.

If there’s something you want with all your heart – I encourage you to to tap into The Power of Belief – as well as The Power of Right Action (which includes The Power of Effort, The Power Of Courage and The Power of Patience) so you ensure your thoughts, words and behavior are aimed in the direction of your Heavy Longing.

It’s also essential that you mindfully appreciate your progress.

Please notice and celebrate any and all small milestones. @Notsalmon (Click to Tweet!)

Look for clues to what you’re doing right and doing wrong. Learn from everything. Thomas Edison said that famous quote – about how he did not fail all those 10,000 times he tried to invent the lightbulb. He just found 10,000 ways which didn’t work and learned from each of them. Well, that was me, with the men I was dating. I consciously chose to learn as much as I could from each attempted relationship. Then I dusted myself off, and kept on searching.

Recently my now 4 year old son (Ari) said to me, “Mommy, I’m so glad I found you!”

Yes, he said that he found me!

I smiled, thinking about this idea: how what I was searching for was also searching for me.

I remembered back to that fateful evening in the laundry room, six years ago, when I was almost ready to stop seeking my Heavy Longing.

Now here I was, with this amazing child!

“I’m so glad you found me too,” I told my son, hugging him tightly. “I was looking for you everywhere – now here you are!”

I’d love to hear your insights on the comment section below! What’s something which comes to your mind and heart when you read this essay about the power of belief. Share your personal story or a personal happiness tool! I LOVE it when you share because I love to find out about my community! Plus, many thousands of peeps read these inspirational essays – so, what you share could be a helpful inspiration for someone else!

xo Karen

Link to original post.

Karen Salmansohn (founder of the popular inspirational site www.notsalmon.com) is a bestselling author and award winning designer with over one million books sold. She is known for creating self help for people who wouldn’t be caught dead doing self help—like with her bestselling e-book Prince Harming Syndrome, an Oprah.com relationship e-book, with tools to let go of the pain from your past and to stop bad love patterns for good. Prince Harming Syndrome is now 50% OFF for a limited time—only $9.99—in a convenient e-book, so you can read on your computer or anywhere you can read a PDF. Click the link and you’ll see a list of FAQs so you can learn more about Karen’s philosophies (which helped her find her Prince Charming) and finally experience the happy family life she’s always dreamed about!

If you are feeling a heavy longing to find and keep love, I encourage you to explore the tools in my NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM – a life-changing online program – which you can watch or listen to on any kind of computer or idevice. Finding your soulmate doesn’t have to feel painful. I will give you the tools you need to stop your pattern of feeling fooled, disappointed, angry and alone. Click now to find out more! Plus, for a limited time THE NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM is 40% off!

Every year…I do this year in review thing. But this year, I have been putting it off….procrastinating. I really didn’t want to do it. At all. But….I have to. It is, after all, sort of my “thing”, so at a little after 6pm on New Year’s Eve, I maintain my commitment. I sat down and I started writing.

Why?

I guess, because that’s just what I do.

For lack of a better word, 2014 has sucked. In massive, massive ways. It has been the most hellish, rollercoaster of a year that I have had since 2012 – although 2012 sucked indubitably more on some levels.

Without getting too far into it, I guess you could say that this year was all about loss…something I spoke about on Christmas Eve.

This year, I (we) lost one of our best friends to a stroke. I miss him every day. He was the person I could talk to about anything and everything. He was the most loving, kind person I have ever known. However, in his passing, he still left us all Easter eggs…gifts. He gave me other loving, kind, wonderful people to fill in the gaping hole he left behind. Because he knew better than to leave us alone. Any of us. Because I know I am not the only one he left this incredible gift to. There were many people I connected with, through his passing, that shared a piece of his heart, and who share a piece of his soul.

You know who you are.

And I am grateful for you.

And while losing one of my best friends still weighs heavy on my heart, and while I have watched people exit our lives and go their separate ways this year and in several years prior; while I try and cope with several other things that are, for all intents and purposes, difficult at best, I embrace one thing, one shining light in the precipice of the dark: Hope.

The other day, I took this test, entitled “What Four Letter Word Defines You?” While I anticipated getting a word that began with the letter “F”, my result was actually this:

HOPE

Even in the toughest of times, you believe deep down that everything is will turn out for good. You understand that keeping your head up can get you through anything. So you tend always conquer and win in everything.

And I guess it’s true. Even though there are days that seem as if they will never end, circumstances that seem as though they will never let up, I have that one, tiny, small thing in me: Hope. And it’s the one thing that leaves me standing.

The one small thing I wish for all of you as well.

I can proclaim whatever I want to this New Year’s Eve. So can you. We can all say that 2015 will be “my year”, “our year”….or whatever….but the truth is, all we can really do is hope.

But, the other thing we can do is turn that hope into something tangible.

We can hope for fewer assholes in our lives. We can hope for a better life. We can hope for more opportunities. We can also take action to eliminate, create and thrive. But, no matter what we do, or what we don’t, it all starts with one, simple four letter world: Hope. The truth is, you can't really get anywhere unless you have it. Hope fuels drive, ambition and change. It's the one thing that has the most power, but begins as the most fleeting of thoughts, yet is also the one thing that topples armies, mountains and even the most dastardly of villains. Hope. It's the most powerful thing we have, when we channel it properly.

So here is to 2015. Here is to hope.

Sincerely,

Miss Adventures

Many parts of 2014, for me, can be summed up in a single word: “Ugh”. It’s been a rough year. A year when I quit my job, opened up my own company, landed a book contract, have a book going on sale, began putting the broken pieces of my family back together, inherited a new family, finding family I never knew I had and losing some tremendous people in my life. It’s been a rollercoaster, to say the least. But, as I sit here, on Christmas Eve of 2014, a little before 1 o’clock in the afternoon, I have a message that hit me as I was saying a prayer this morning that might just hit you the same way.

Remember, reflect, rejoice.

Remember.

As I sit here today, I do so in remembrance of all the people I knew who were called home this year.

My friend’s son, who at the tender age of 27 was lost to us in a tragic car accident. I remember not knowing what to do for my friend (who I love dearly), but doing everything I could anyway. I remember going to the funeral, and as she walked toward the back of the chapel – where I was sitting – I remember her grabbing my hand. I remember looking in her eyes. And I will never forget her strength, her resolve and her beautiful heart….for as long as I am living.

I remember Jonathan, San Antonio’s beloved Aquaman, and one of my dearest, closest friends. I remember building a Twinkie Jenga tower at his last birthday party….which was his last party ever – something none of us knew at the time. I remember how excited he was when our Twinkie Jenga tower was retweeted by Hostess. I remember all of our “I love you more” arguments. A heart like that will never be forgotten, even though he was called home before his time.

I remember Shanna, Mike and Vini….some of my mentors and colleagues in real estate….who also got called home too soon this year.

So today? Remember those who have been called home, and remember that while they are no longer with us, hearts and love like that still wrap us up in love….all year round, as they watch over us from above.

Reflect.

As I reflect on 2014, I can say I learned a lot. I learned how to deal with loss, I learned how to deal with tragedy, I learned (probably most importantly) that I am human. That I often push myself too hard and that sometimes going slow isn’t a bad thing. I learned how deeply I can love someone. I learned that I have family I never knew. I learned that I even inherited a new family, through Jon….and I learned that I am blessed, for this, beyond measure.

Reflection is important, as it gives us insight into reflecting on the good of said year, alongside the bad. And even though 2014 was not my favorite year, it was a year I learned how to build up even more internal strength in my struggles, and tap into a strength me that not even I knew I had.

Rejoice.

Despite the fact that 2014 was shrouded in loss, I rejoice in the fact that I am still here. It means that the big guy upstairs isn’t done with me yet, and that I’m still supposed to do some things in this life. What those things are? Only time will reveal. However, the fact that we are all still here, still standing, means our work is far from over.

I rejoice in my family, my beloved friends (who are like my family), my readers, my encouragers and even my critics. I am thankful for it all, because without these things, this tapestry of our lives wouldn’t be woven together in such a beautifully, messy precision.

If you take anything from this, take that last message most intently. Rejoice. Try and take each day (no matter how many times you get knocked down) with a thankful heart. Because I’ve never known love to screw up anything in this world. So, this holiday season, and always: remember, reflect, rejoice.

From my family to yours, with love,

Miss Adventures

Let me preface this by saying, most people wouldn’t share this. Many wouldn’t share this sort of thing with family, nor friends. The reason I do? Well, the reason I do, is because I know there are people out there like me, there are people out there like you. People who need to hear this. This is for you.

It was the 15^th of December. I wasn’t Christmas shopping. Hell, I’d been putting that off as long as I could, because the last thing I wanted to do was acknowledge this blasted holiday. Not that I am a Grinch, mind you, I have always loved Christmas. I have always gone over and above with the carols, the tree, the ornaments, the decorating. I was your regular Bree Van De Camp for 17 years with this shit.

Except for last year. My house was under construction due to a fire. I quit. I gave up. Nothing was done on schedule. I had no tree, the dogs had destroyed every ornament and I was in a Percocet coma from my second degree burns. I just quit. I gave up. We had Christmas elsewhere – at Jon’s that year. And, even though I cooked, the irony was….the damn dogs ate the Turkey that day (circa A Christmas Story)….but we still persevered. We had steaks and great dinner, but it was still hard on me. I felt like a total, complete and abject failure.

The one thing I looked forward to last year, was that my significant other planned a vacation for us to New Orleans on December 26 to December 30….one that was ruined by a couple of freeloading assholes, but that is another story for another day. At least, then, I had something to look forward to.

This year, I started off okay with the planning; I had every intention of getting things back on track. After Thanksgiving, I started looking around for things….until I realized that the one person who I needed to be here for this holiday, wasn’t…my husband. He couldn’t be. He was deployed. From there, it all got really, really heavy.

And for the girls and I, it was a rough year already. I lost some dear friends to death, am losing others to terminal illness, I had seen and witnessed more pain and turbulence than I cared to. And I never admitted how much it weighed on me. Until that day….in Wal-Mart of all places.

We had no tree, we had no decorations. I didn’t put lights outside. I did nothing. I just couldn’t. Sometimes, even the strongest among us suffer….in silence. Because that is what the strong do. We say nothing. Because…we can’t. And it’s okay, because no one in my family is feeling the holidays this year, due to Jon being gone either. We just can’t do it. Therein, leads to the story of my Wal-Mart melt down.

I went in to get my daughter cat food. Just that. Of all things.

Naturally, I had to walk past the neatly packaged items specific to the season. I smelled the traditional Christmas smells, I imbibed the holiday cheer of nearby patrons and their families, celebrating their togetherness….and, try as I might, I couldn’t see next year. I couldn’t even see tomorrow. I was just overwhelmed with a sadness I can’t even express.

I said to myself, “You are NOT going to cry until you leave this place. You hear me? You will NOT cry.”

And….I didn’t. I had forbidden it.

So, as I often do, I sucked it up. I could feel the tears welling in my eyes. I had to get out of there. I had to get out of there FAST. I felt it. It was all coming to the surface. I grabbed the cat food, I scrambled to the self-checkout, I put my cash in, I got my receipt and I was out of there.

And still, as I was leaving, more happy families were in my wake. I couldn’t turn and not see one, or another. I was surrounded. I couldn’t fucking breathe.

My eyes were welling faster now. My sense of urgency to get the hell out of there was expanded by 20 times the normal limit.

I ran past the greeter, bidding him good day, knowing I was on the verge of losing it. I scrambled to my car, unlocked the door, put the cat food in my passenger seat and sobbed for 20 minutes…in a Wal-Mart parking lot.

Because I had to.

Because there was nowhere else I could do it.

Because my kids didn’t need to see it, and no one else needed to know.

Because sometimes, you get so overwhelmed with emotions, you just have to feel them….where ever you are standing….even if you are sitting in a parking lot at Wal-Mart.

Because sometimes, it all catches up to you.

And that’s okay.

That moment, changed everything. I looked to my left. There was a mother freaking out on her kid. Sobbing in the same parking lot. To my right, an old man, loading his trunk, wiping tears from his eyes. To my front, a lady who just couldn’t move. She was stagnant, looking at her steering wheel; lost in thought; not wanting to move.

There is no right or wrong answer here, there is no handbook for this life. We all make it up as we go along. But here is the thing, you don’t have to feel like a freak, if you are the one person having a meltdown in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Because, you’re not the only one. I promise.

This holiday, remember those who are struggling, even if they don’t tell you so. And remember that people can be struggling in silence. Show as much compassion as you can. We all need it.

Much love,

Miss Adventures

Today was not, as one would say, a banner day. It seemed like bad news came from every turn. But, even in the light of that, before I had to lay some bad news down on someone I love – which I did, and they took it in amazing stride (I am proud of them, in fact), we ended the conversation like this.

Him: “You know, before you called, I was in a bit of a funk. I was reading something in the paper the other day, and the fact that we won’t be together for the holidays makes me extremely sad.”

Me: “I know, it makes me sad too. I hate it, really. But, the good news is that this is the only holiday season we have to spend apart ever again. Sacrifice now, rewards later.”

Him: “I know, but what I was going to say, before you interrupted me, Mrs. C <snickers>, was that when I was feeling down, I got the email you sent about your book dedication. I can’t believe you did that for me.

That made my entire day. And, even though you sent it yesterday, it softened the blow of today. You really are the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

Me: “I know I am.”

Him: “That’s it? <laughs> Only you.”

Yes, that’s right, only me. Because when your significant other is down and out, you know how to snap them right back out of it. That is, after all, your job.

Now, I bet you probably want to know what this game changing book dedication said, huh?

Simply this:

Dear Jon,

For as long as I can remember, I have been fascinated by reading the dedications from the author in ever book I have ever read, in the history of…ever. And I gotta admit...it's kind of cool to be able to write my own. My first dedication for my first book?

"For Jon, without who, this book would have never been finished, and for who I am forever grateful; who I love with all my heart, because he is the one person in the world who can push me to get past ‘I'm gonna’ and get to ‘I did’. Thanks for putting up with my stubborn, procrastinating butt. You are the only man alive who can. I love you. -Mrs. C"

Because when the storms come, when the rains of the world seem to drown us out as individuals, when we can’t stand on our own anymore, all we really need is someone to be there for us, when we need someone most. After all, that’s all a relationship really is: being there for each other when you need each other most.

It’s always, always, ALWAYS, the little things in life that matter most.

Because, when you look back, all those little things, were the biggest ones.

It was early October. And I was reflecting on the fact that I was human. And I was only really successful in feeding my insecurities – things that really didn’t need much more nourishment.

I remember that day quite well. A friend and I were discussing people who still live in the past, who haven’t quite yet made it to the present; still behaving like they are 20 when that era has long since passed them by. Mind you, we weren’t discussing this in a negative manner, but rather, proclaiming the fact that we were grateful we were no longer these people. Yet, she was a little harsher with judgments than I; a little more edgy when it came to pointing out what was wrong with people who wanted to remain stuck in the past. And, as I listened to her pontificate and drone on, I began tuning her out.

I remember thinking, “What is it going to really solve, talking about all of this, rehashing the same things over and over again…obsessing?”

So, I, as I often do, when I find myself uncomfortable in any conversation, found solace in my phone (yes, that is one of my deep, dark secrets – when I’m bored with you, I will grab my phone…now you know).

And as I was pushing buttons and messing about with apps, I noticed that my TimeHop (an app that lets you reflect back on your past status updates and photos) for the day was ready. I slid my index finger over the app to open it and check it out. I read each update for the past four years. And, as I read them, I grinned.

She looked at me and said, “What are you smiling about?”

I replied, “This time, last year, was the first time that the man and I went on vacation to Fredericksburg. Man, that was a great trip.”

Darkness took over her face. Her eyes squinted. I could tell she was visibly upset with me, as she said, with silent judgment in her eyes, “So, you’re still living in the past?”

And, naturally, I had a reply (I mean, it is me….I always have SOMETHING TO SAY), so I said “You know, I like this app because, if used appropriately, it will show you how you have grown and changed over the years, or how you haven’t; almost like a journal. It allows you to take a good, hard look at yourself from an introspective standpoint, to see things you have written almost as if they were the first time you have seen them. It shows you why people form misguided opinions of you based on what you post. It allows you to reconnect with the emotions and the ‘why’ of what you posted when you did, and it allows you to revel in that or see where you could still use some improvement. It’s a reminder, a great memory, a fantastic mirror into the ‘you’ that you used to be. So when you ask me if, as I reflect on things I both love and hate about myself, if I am living in the past, my only reply to you is this: No, I’m learning from it.”

Stunned, she said nothing.

While I don’t advocate trying to resurrect the good old days (at least not all the time), or getting trapped in the nasty rose colored glasses that nostalgia can sometimes bring, I believe that having tools to help you remember (for me it’s journals, notes and apps) serve as incredible guides that show you who you were, who you are now and who can potentially become.

The great thing about it is that the choice is yours.

But, if we don’t sometimes stroll down memory lane with an intention of being introspective, we run the risk of repeating the past, instead of learning from it. This is why I document so much….because when you can look back and remember, you can look back and learn.

Want to start documenting your life? Get a journal, write yourself a note every day for a year. Then, a year from now, look back on it. This is mine. If you want one like it, you can get it here.

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Miss Adventures

In fact, this baby tee seemed to be a rather cruel mistake, considering how much I wanted a baby.

I felt like the Universe was staging a Laundry Room Intervention – stopping me from pulling the plug on faith.

I credit The Power of Belief for keeping me moving me forward, even when what I was seeking to find felt like a wildly moving target.

Please notice and celebrate any and all small milestones. @Notsalmon (Click to Tweet!)

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In fact, this baby tee seemed to be a rather cruel mistake, considering how much I wanted a baby.

I felt like the Universe was staging a Laundry Room Intervention – stopping me from pulling the plug on faith.

I credit The Power of Belief for keeping me moving me forward, even when what I was seeking to find felt like a wildly moving target.

Please notice and celebrate any and all small milestones. @Notsalmon (Click to Tweet!)

Subscribe to our mailing list

Facebook Follow

Twitter Follows

Instagram

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