Miss Adventures

4 Lessons I Learned From My Nieces

Awhile back, the man said something to me that ruffled my sarcastic feathers. In conversation one evening, he referred to me as an ice princess; the end result being my panties quickly crumpling into a wad.

Then, I unwadded my drawers and unruffled my feathers and I thought about it a little bit.

And I realized that he might be (just a little tiny bit) right.

I guess I am kind of an ice princess.

So here is my confession.

I never thought about how cold and intense I can come off at times – to just about anyone, even small children and dogs --, but when he said it, it got me to thinking about all the times in my life that I have been accused of coming off as cold, unfeeling or even a bit mean. There were several.

Okay, okay, there were more than several.

The thing is, I don’t mean to come off like that.

At all.

I love people (well, some people) very deeply. I am just really, really, really horrendous at showing it. In fact, I can’t remember a single time that I have been good at it. My face is usually set in “resting bitch face” mode 24/7, 365 days a year. I can be very intense when I speak, very authoritative and even come off as a bit bitchy – I don’t mean to do that either.

I’m also a bit of a shut in and a hermit, circa Princess Elsa from “Frozen”.

Why am I this way? A myriad of reasons, really. But, after meeting my nieces for the first time this past weekend, I also learned that I need to….

Up until about a year and a half ago, I had never met Sam and Katie. In fact, I have never even met my brother, Dennis. My brothers and my sister were born much further ahead of me in the lineup of kids – over 14 years in fact --, making me the baby and the only child that my father and my mother had. Since my half-brothers and half-sister lived in Kentucky – and prior to the dawn of social media – we had never even spoken. In fact, the first time I ever spoke to my brother was last year.

Crazy, right?

However, after connecting via Facebook, I began talking to the nieces quite a bit –

sometimes even the nephew. And it was eerie how much we all had in common, how much alike we all were. So, one day, Sam and Katie jumped in the car and decided to come and visit Aunt Shauna (aka Princess Elsa). And while I thought I could teach them something about business and blogging and such, they actually ended up teaching me some things instead.

It’s okay to show people how you feel

Touchy, feely is how I would describe my nieces. They would hug and play with each other’s hair and didn’t have the “security bubble” like aunt Shauna does – A security bubble of that includes a strict “no hugging” policy – hugs = death -- and generally liking to keep at least three feet of distance between myself and any other bi-ped with a pulse. However, being around these girls made me realize that it’s okay to be touchy feely; that feeling loved is part of that.

It’s okay to talk to your parents every day

I cannot even describe how cute it was to watch the girls text and talk to their mom and dad a few times a day. There were a lot of “I love yous” and “I miss yous" thrown around – words generally not in my vocabulary. There was a time that I felt I would say those words much more freely, but as life happened, I guess I got a little bitter; cold even. However, the nieces, my brother and my sister-in-law made me realize how important it is to say those things; and that when you are texting family or close friends, you shouldn’t feel like a burden – they might just be waiting to hear from you.

Approach everything with a sense of wonderment

As the girls spoke about the differences between Kentucky and Texas, they did so with an endearing childlike wonderment, and I thought it was absolutely adorable. It made me realize that I rarely approach anything with a sense of wonderment anymore; that wonderment had been replaced with cynicism and apprehension. I need to work on that. And, had they not come down to visit, I probably would not have realized how much.

Give praise. Often.

I admit, I am slow to give praise – like molasses in January slow. I guess that is probably why whenever I have done so in the past I have (literally) freaked people out. The girls, however, are anything but slow to giving praise.

Here is an example: As we went into the mall and I wandered off to grab a phone call from the man, I came back to hear the clerk gushing and saying, “Oh, so THIS is the famous aunt?” And while I minimized it, because I don’t often accept praise easily either, I have to admit, it was nice to be praised.

Something that reminded me that I need to be a little more forthcoming with praise.

So, before they left to return home, I sent a message to my brother telling him what amazing girls they were, how I absolutely adore them and how thrilled I was that he let me borrow them for a weekend. I went on to praise my brother for doing such an amazing job in raising two very sweet, loving, caring and amazing women.

So, I guess I’m on the right track. At least, I am starting out on the right foot, and maybe, just maybe my ice cold demeanor melted just enough to remind me that sometimes we all need an emotional overhaul – or at least a makeover. And sometimes, just sometimes, the people you think you are meant to teach are the people who end up schooling you.

All my love from the bottom of my a-little-less ice cold heart,
Miss Adventures

I hate surprises. In fact, I loathe them. As a self-professed control freak, I much prefer knowing what to expect and when to expect it. And in kismet’s truest form, tonight, something so wonderful happened that it surprised me down to my core. A small thing, but a big thing all the same, that makes my soul feel lighter and lets some sunlight into the dusty, dank corners of my mind...and of my tired, old heart.

And it was then that I realized something.

All of that sunlight in my heart and in my mind begins and ends with me. Even more, it begins and ends with you too.

So maybe, just maybe, surprises aren’t so bad after all. Perhaps surprises are fate’s almost comical way of reminding us that, “She’s got this,” and we are really just along for the ride. It could even be that things really do fall into place at exactly the right time, at precisely the right moment and for the most perfect of reasons. That everything really does happen for a reason; good and bad. All we have to do is just sit back, have faith and exercise a little grace and understanding. And maybe that’s the secret to closing one chapter and starting a new one, as we author our own destiny and move forward, even if there is a twist or turn in the book.

Maybe.

Every great journey begins with the first step, even if you have absolutely no idea where you are going. But isn’t that the beauty of it? Sometimes everything in life has to get lost before it can be found, before the lights can guide it (whatever it is) home.

Life all about moving forward. It always has been, and it always will be. So you put aside bygones, mend fences, take chances and just trust your heart. Because if you can’t, no one else will. And above all else, remember this:

Good things happen to those who do good. Happiness washes over those who bring happiness to others. So do good, make other people happy and trust in my good old buddy, fate. She might just surprise you.

With that said: surprise me. I think I can take it now. Who knows? I might even like it. I'm willing to take that chance. The only question left is: Are you? 

Tonight’s  ‘Soundtrack of Life Song’ just fit, and it made sense of my own personal brand of nonsense. Who knows? It might even make sense of yours too.

Thoughts? Comments? Leave them below! 

I think you can tell a lot about a person by their ideology. In fact, I think what you believe in says a lot about you as a human being. Naturally, as I read and ponder about everything from what other people believe in to why I don’t, it got me to thinking about what I do (believe in that is) -- especially since I am a card-carrying Atheist. And even though I don’t believe in <insert your deity of choice here>, that doesn’t mean I don’t believe in anything. Indeed, quite the contrary.

As part of my iHappy project, I began jotting down a few things that I believe. So, without further ado, here they are. Who knows, you might even believe some of the same things…

I believe…

So now that you know what I believe in, what is it that you believe in? 

For those of you who don’t know, I am an avid fan of “The Glee Project” on Oxygen. Say what you will about Ryan Murphy, the man knows how to put out some inspirational, heart-string-pulling television. 

The premise of the show is simple: a group of extremely talented kids compete to win a spot on the hit show “Glee”. Using a series of weekly “themes”, the kids have to showcase what they can do, not only with their voices, but with their personalities as well. In my mind, the show provides a great exploration into the human mind, and the human heart. 

This last week, the theme was vulnerability. And the theme got me to thinking about the word quite intently. 

I am nothing if not confident. I am highly opinionated and I have no problem sharing my opinion loudly and often. The funny thing is, many folks mistake my confidence for my being full of myself. I’m not. – Not that I need to justify myself to you, anyway. In truth, a more humble, kind person you will never meet, but that’s only if I deem you worthy. (Few are, by the way.)

With that said, I exude confidence because I am confident in how I carry myself, how I speak and because I am supremely confident in what I say. No, that doesn’t mean I’m always right, all knowing or think that I am better than anyone else. In fact, I am quite the opposite. I’m human, I’m flawed, I’m imperfect and I’m vulnerable. 

A more awkward person at a party you will never meet. I am comfortable in my own skin, sure, but I am also vulnerable and self-conscious. Just like everyone else. Just like you, in fact.

 

My confidence isn’t a mask to hide my vulnerability, but my confidence is a part of my vulnerability. For it is often in our weakest moments that we find strength. 

Go ahead and ponder on that for a while.

Recently I posted a status update:

When someone tells you that you are not enough, you have two choices:

1. Lay down and quit.

2. Be better.

Personally? Option #2 is the only one I acknowledge.

Why did I post this? I posted this because I sincerely and truly believe that all criticism is a valuable tool. Allow me to explain.

There are two types of criticism:

Constructive

The Other Kind

The first is valuable. In fact, it is valuable beyond measure. Without constructive criticism, you would never learn, never grow, never push beyond the limits of your self-imposed shackles. Not everything can be warm, fuzzy roses all the time. Generally, such invaluable constructive criticism is given to you by two kinds of people:

1. Your dearest friends – who are never afraid to tell you when you are acting like an ass.

2. Someone who does something better than you.

Separate and define which one is giving you the criticism, listen, and become better. It’s that simple.

The second type of criticism is one that people use as a crutch when they are jealous, out of sorts, don’t like you because they believe you should be more like them or simply by someone who is a complete and utter douche nozzle. And while the second kind of criticism shouldn’t get you riled up or make you feel badly about yourself, it still presents you with an amazing opportunity to learn and grow -- even if that means learning nothing more than how to tell someone to go fuck themselves.

All criticism matters and all censure is useful, regardless of where it comes from. Take it on the chin and use it as opportunity to be a better person and move forward, but not because of the criticism itself, but because you actually learned how to handle it like a pro.

Monday. It is one of the few days of the week that comes with a variety of groans, gripes whining, growls, screeches, grumbling, moans, whimpers, sighs, bellyaching, complaints, grievances, protests and downright cry babying. However, I don’t share the garden-variety disdain for the opening day of the workweek. In fact, I love Mondays -- and I’m about to tell you why. 

Setting the Tone

Mondays set the tone for the rest of my week. For instance, the more I accomplish on Monday and the more productive I force myself to be, the easier it is for me to carry that torch throughout the rest of the week. My workouts feel somehow easier, my workload seems somewhat less daunting, my entire week seems to flow with ease and grace. I find that I am less likely to get behind on things, I don’t have to worry about what I didn’t get done and I am just all around happier and more jovial. Mondays, as they are, set the tone for my entire week. 

But That Isn’t Even What I Like Best About Mondays

Indeed, it isn’t. What I like best about this day is that while it sets the tone for the rest of my week, I’m in complete control of how (and when) that tone is set. And so are you. 

Set the right tone for your workweek in the right way each Monday, and the rest of your week will be a piece of cake. Honest.

I don’t mean this in a catty, mean or spiteful way. My friends are simply better than your friends. Most women have these snide, tit for tat type of relationships where one gal in the group is secretly jealous of the other, or someone secretly hates someone else. Not us. Not ever. We have a formidable, magical and incredible, unbreakable bond. 

Our little gang even has a name: The Bored Room

In the Bored Room, we share everything. And by everything, I mean EVERYTHING. Sadness, triumph, heartache, joy, sickness, health … nothing is off limits with us, and that is the way we like it. How we stumbled upon this magical dynamic I’ve no clue, but we did, and I’m not going to question it. So, without further ado, let me introduce you to my stunningly wonderful cast of characters. 

 

First, there’s Angela, my little spit fire, my sock gnome. She has a huge smile and an ever bigger heart. How did we meet? Well, one day, I was unloading my dryer, looking for missing socks and I found her. Okay, I’m kidding, but she really is that little. However, even standing at a formidable 4’11”, this woman packs a whollop – in a good way. She is my friend, my confidant, my trustworthy emissary of mayhem, and I adore her. 

 

Then, there’s Patty, my rock, my sister from another mister. She is even more beautiful on the inside than she is on the outside. A more genuine, down to earth person you will never meet. Oftentimes we have to tell one another to stay out of the other’s head – that is how much we think alike (scary isn’t it?) Our initial bond was formed over a status update about anger, three legged cats and turds. – Don’t ask. One day, we plan to move into a huge house together and have a gazillion cats. She is someone I have had many late night chats with over wine and zombie killing – and there is no one on this earth I’d rather bond with over wine and zombies than this girl. 

And then there is Nitsa, my stunner, my model and my NitWit. She is hands down one of the most loving people I have ever known. Crazy, funny, zany and smart as all get out, she keeps me on my toes. We can talk about anything and nothing and be perfectly content. I have really never known anyone quite like her. There is only one, and I like it that way. Somehow we connected over crazy and insane midnight Facebook chats. And, don’t tell her (because it will go straight to her head), but I totally love this girl.

Darlene is our Ma and easily the wisest of us all. Darlene has an infections, boisterous laugh, and even though she does love her bling, she doesn’t need it, because she sparkles all on her own. She is a caretaker, a giver and easily one of the most thoughtful and caring people I have ever met. And boy oh boy can she dance the night away like no one’s business. I don’t know how she does it, but she can kick my butt under the table. I treasure my Ma. 

And, of course, there is Michelle. Michelle was late to the party, by way of Patty, but we were all glad she showed up. Patty and Michelle had been friends for a couple of decades an when we added Michelle into the mix, she was just like one of us. She fit. She was our missing puzzle piece. Funny, understanding and charismatic, I can even overlook the fact that she’s a liberal – well, sort of a liberal. And the woman can cut some bad ass hair. And, just like the rest of my wonderful friends, a beautiful person inside and out. 

So yes, my friends ARE better than your friends, but I’d like to think I earned them through blood, sweat, tears and years of heartache and sorrow. Many people will go their entire lives without relationships like the one we have forged, and I truly feel sorry for those people, because without great friends, you are missing out on life and all of the wonders in it. I’m thankful that I’m not missing out on a thing anymore. I have quorum in my life and in my spirit. Who can possibly ask for more than that?