The Secrets of the Starving
By: Miss Adventures
Years….I lost count of how many now. It might have been 16,
18 or even 20 that I lost myself to the sleep of the awakened dead. I was
miserable. I went through the motions of being a good Stepford Wife, Stepford
Mother…but somewhere…in all of that I lost me.
I lost me through years of physical and emotional abuse. I
lost me in the wake of a narcissistic man who used to beat the shit out of me
when he would leave change in the corners of our military housing apartment;
change (pennies and nickels and dimes) so that he could prove that when I didn’t
vacuum every day that he would be admonished of his sins by punishing me with
his fists or his words – a reason I can’t and won’t pick up change on the
ground until this day. Days when he was deployed and chatting with me that I also
found him chatting sexually with other women…many other women…discoveries that
also got me beaten to damn near death…discoveries of his cheating where he damn
near choked me to death…a scar on my forehead to remember him by when he head
butted me….yeah….great guy. Well done with the ‘picker’ Shauna – note sarcasm.
Days and nights that I was beaten and abused to a fucking
pulp…but still wondered what was wrong with me and not with him. So many days
between then and now that when my girls were 13, I had lost myself so much that
I didn’t recognize myself anymore when I looked in a mirror between the day
they were born and 13 years to follow.
And after all of this, he complains to our children about an
‘affair’ I had AFTER I filed for divorce the first time. Class act, yes?
Because our children knew nothing of his indiscretions…ever….because I never
voiced it. But the second I filed for divorce, I was a Jezebel. Bullshit. I
dealt with 15 years of his cheating ass. Fuck that. And I NEVER ONCE went to
our kids about it….Not once. But he wants to have a meltdown after 20 years of
cheating and lies….because he wants to “kill himself” in front of our children,
I become an automatic asshole? No. Fuck that.
And they hate me for that, for his side, for listening to
him, for feeling as if he was an automatic victim. And they should. I did too.
At least, I used to. Because I never said a thing. Because that’s what a GOOD
parent does. Then again, they don’t understand it all yet….or maybe they won’t
understand it ever …like they shouldn’t ever…because it’s NOT their fight. They
have no dog in that fight. And their FATHER shouldn’t have given them one,
especially not after 20 years of fucked up, bad behavior that I DIDN’T speak
of.
We are all given only what we can handle. However, this man,
this person, gave us all more than we all bargained for. There is no reason a
mother shouldn’t be able to travel for work and trust a biological father with
his children and not be blamed for his sins. Sins….that simply cannot be
forgiven.
Unless that mother is me.
Unless that incest is in my family.
This man, this “father” raped his daughter when she was 13.
The two other girls hid it because they were scared. The two other girls of
mine came clean when she was 18…when it was too late for me to press charges on
my own. Now? It has to be HER decision. Daddy wants to talk about “alleged”
charges even with Bri’s therapist when there are OPEN criminal cases against
him in two police departments, the FBI and more…when I have video. Daddy wants
to discuss my shortcomings. But why does any child need validation from a
pedophile?
They don’t.
I don’t.
And no matter how awful and blustery this man comes at me, I
will come at him even harder. Because I’m not going to hide anymore. Because I’m
not fighting for me, I’m fighting for them. And with that, you (yes, you
asshole, because I know you are fan of my blogs) will never win….because for
them I will fight with my LAST dying breath. You sue me. Go ahead. You take me
to court…go AHEAD. I don’t care. All I want is JUSTICE for my children, you
sick, perverted, disgusting fuck. And I will have it. Even if I lose, I will
win in the end. Because I grew a backbone where my wishbone used to be.
You can try and hide the truth, just like people try to block
out the sun….but just like the sun, the TRUTH never goes away. You did this to
your twin brothers in Nevada, your criminal record is public…you ARE a
pedophile. And you never changed. And you never will.
These are the secrets the starving tell. Tell the truth. Set
them free. Do what you claim to do so much and actually love them. For once.
You keeping this façade is killing them all and I see it…as their mother. Tell
the FUCKING TRUTH. For once. Because if you don’t, I will. Forever. As long as
I am alive. No one should EVER have to seek validation from a pedophile.
Happy hunting. Happy lawyering. Because, frankly, I’m
willing to countersue you into the fucking ground. Asshole. You will NOT take
my children. Not today…not ever.
Much love,
Your Mother Fucking Nemesis A.K.A. Miss Adventures
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