I know, it’s been awhile since I’ve blogged about…well…anything.
You might feel as if I owe you, dear readers, an explanation for my online absenteeism.
The truth is…I don’t. This is my proverbial pen, my blog and my rules -- if I hadn’t already made that abundantly
clear by now. However, I come to you today, 42 days after a catastrophic,
earth-shattering event that turned my entire world upside down as a new,
improved me; a me that I haven’t been in a very,
very long time. A “me” that is ready for the next steps in a journey that I
know will change the “rules”. A me that is full of light and a “me” that, even
in the midst of dealing with things that are utterly horrific; even after have
been brought to my knees on more than one occasion over this holy grail of evil,
a me that is more “me” than I have ever been. And, quite frankly, I like her.
She’s a mix of the old and new. A mix of a woman I probably should have been
all along. I’ve missed her, and I’m enjoying every moment of getting to know
her better. Strong, capable and unstoppable. I rather like her.
See, it’s all about
light in darkness
I have had some dark days over this period of pixelated silence;
awfully, vastly, enormously dark days. However, even in these darkest of days I
have been surrounded by light. I have the most incredible support system of family,
of friends, of acquaintances, of professionals and of experts who have helped
me bridge the gap of my most glaring of personal taboos: asking for help.
I have asked for help more in these last 42 days than I have
in…well…my entire life. And even when I haven’t “asked” for help, it’s been
given readily and without request for anything in return. Essentially, my faith
in humanity has been dramatically restored. Well, at least some of humanity -- but I’ll get to that later.
Where I was, where I’m
at and (most importantly) where I’m going
I have become more organized than I have ever been in my
life. I keep everything these days -- well the important everythings, anyway. I
have files, I have backups and I have a system that would rival most librarians.
I (literally) have over 20 different ‘projects’ I’m juggling, I’m constantly on
the phone, sending email campaigns, promoting my personal brand of ‘rule change’
and I’m getting help at every turn, at what is now seeming to be at the perfect
moment. For these things and more, I am blessed more than I could have ever
imagined.
In addition to my blogging, writing and columns, I have been
blessed with a new job opportunity that has incredible income potential, and
will even help my little family do something I’ve wanted to do for a long time:
travel and see the world. I’ve cleaned up the past in ready for the future, and
I’m ushering in a new, improved era for myself and for my children, and I’m doing
it all blissfully, happily with my family and my friends by my side…but no man…and
no want for one either. And truthfully, I like it. I have found a certain
solace and peace in being ‘alone’. I welcome it. There is freedom and solace in
it.
I have more blessings, more peace, more serenity now (not a Seinfeld
reference) than what I have had in five years, and even though everything isn’t
exactly “perfect” yet, it’s getting there. And even in the wake of all of this
sadness, for these moments of breaking sun I am happy. Because even on the
darkest, longest of nights, the sun rises. And the dawn is coming; this period
of endless night will soon be over. Because no matter how hard the night fights
the sun, the sun rises triumphant, bursting over the horizon with such
overtaking force the night has no choice other than to retreat.
So what now?
Well, I’m going to be around. I’m going to be blogging -- at
least once a week -- but I have other, more important matters that require my
immediate attention. However, what you are going to see here in the coming
weeks, months and years, will be the same sarcastic me that you’ve come to know
and love, but something a little deeper, someone a little more tangible too. And
that’s because this period of darkness for me, gave way to the most incredible
light ever. I’ve finally figured out what I was supposed to do, who I’m
supposed to be and what I’m meant to do on this big blue marble we call home: I
found my purpose. And it’s not just
a momentary purpose, it’s something that will make my life better (certainly)
but will help many, many others as well.
So, I leave you with one thing to ponder: “What’s
YOUR purpose?”
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