I hear the word ‘friend’ tossed around a lot in
conversation. Many people allow this sacred term to fall out of their mouths
with such ease, it disturbs me. Why? Because not everyone who smiles at you is
your friend. Not everyone who frowns is your enemy either.
Learning Through Life
I had an agent come to me last week, to request a heart to
heart. Something she said to me resonated so deeply within my core, it shook me
a little. She said, “I can’t do it. I thought my light would be enough to bring
him out of his darkness, it isn’t. I feel like I’m drowning, suffocated and
dying. It’s like a cancer.” And it struck me the way it did, because I, myself,
have been there, many times. I have believed that if you love someone enough,
if you demonstrate enough care and compassion, they will reciprocate. This,
however, is not always the case. This, is why givers need to set limits,
because takers rarely will. I told her that sometimes, we have to cut our
losses, and let people remain at arm’s length, until they are ready to embrace
something different, something more. The conversation ended in a hug. But the
pain in her eyes that day is etched on my soul. As most other people’s pain
often is.
The Tie In
I have a sign in my office that reads, “Friends are the
family you choose for yourself.” In my world, the term “friend” is quite
sacred. If someone isn’t enough of a friend to me to be a substitute family
member, I won’t award them with that title. And, many times, when I hear the
word friend thrown carelessly around, I feel my blood boil. And let me explain
why:
My definition of “friend” is the person who calls you when
you post a status update or send a text that you are struggling or suffering.
They are the person who would drop anything and everything to be by your side
when needed, or even when not needed. They are the person who holds your hand a
little tighter, even when you push them away. In my mind, the word “friend” is
not used lightly.
Perhaps…
Perhaps my definition is born from a lifetime full of mired
relationships. Perhaps I seek a purity that often eludes us all. Perhaps I am
too harsh in my definition…but I don’t believe I am. I believe we are in a
society where collecting people is valued over collecting quality people, or
even people who have the potential to be quality people. Perhaps we are so
self-centered and focused so inwardly that we don’t see the forest for the
trees anymore. Perhaps we need some retraining.
In Conclusion….
If you aren’t selective about who you call friend, and are
constantly disappointed by the lack of love and commitment in your life, it
might be time to reframe what the word friend really means. Are you careful
about who you call “friend”?
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