Life doesn't come with instructions. We make it up through our misadventures...
Flashlights and Bon Voyage
By: Miss Adventures
The other day, I got this email from someone that I hadn’t
spoken to in quite some time. As I would expect, it was kind, and it was gentle
and it was sincere. Not really knowing how to respond to that, while wanting to
be clear about the fact that I wasn’t going to reopen old wounds, I replied
only with this:
There are some journeys in life we all have to take
alone. There are roads less traveled and high roads and low roads and
undiscovered roads. There are roads that lead to anger, there are roads that
lead to happiness, and still other roads that lead to enlightenment. But, one
thing is to be sure, no matter what road you take, there will be a myriad of
emotions along the journey. It isn’t always about the road you choose, or the
destination to where it leads, but most times, it’s about what we learn on the
journey, who we meet along the way, who travels with us for a time and who
makes us into whoever the fuck it is that we are meant to be, by simply handing
us a flashlight and bidding us bon voyage. And it never makes sense when it
happens, because, that’s part of the journey, but it always makes sense
whenever we get to wherever it is we are going, and when we look back on the
journey…we can always smile at what we learned along the way.
And maybe this is true.
Perhaps we have to take a lot of wrong turns in life before
we find the right road….or even someone who will give us a flashlight and wish
us bon voyage.
What would you tell your best friend?
By: Miss Adventures
I hate quitting. Actually, I hate quitters. I have always
believed that your commitment to something, to someone, is tantamount to who
you are. I have always believed this, because I have this crazy, old-school
mentality that leads me to the drinking from the chalice of hope at the altar
of “everything can be worked out.” But, what if it can’t? I (now) also think
there is honor in (as Kenny Rogers put it) knowing when to walk away, and when
to run.
As I found myself in the last few days hitting a panic
spiral of epic proportion, all of a sudden, I got this email asking a question
about panic spirals, and advising me to tell myself the same thing that I would
tell my best friend.
“What the hell?” I thought. Might as well give it a go.
So? I did. I sat down at my desk, grabbed up my notepad and
wrote a list of things I would tell my best friend.
Get up
Go take a shower
Clean something
Take care of the dogs
Get to work
Focus on shit that matters and quit focusing on
shit that doesn’t
Get your shit together
Pay the bills
Stop wishing things would change or be different
and make yourself change and be different instead
Put your big girl panties on
Suck it up
Write hard and clear about what hurts. Then, let
it go
And that’s exactly what I would tell my best friend if she
were in my shoes. So? I got up, I took a shower, I cleaned something, and I got
to work writing hard and clear about what hurts. And, at 1:38 in the afternoon,
I am still working on the rest of the list, and might very well be working on
some segments of that list for weeks and years ahead, it was probably the best
advice I could get right now, and it was exactly what I needed to hear. Maybe
sometimes, the best advice we can get doesn’t come from external sources….maybe
sometimes the best advice we can get comes directly from our heart, and maybe
that’s because we know what we need to hear the most.
Three items down, 10 to go.
If you could write a list of things that you would tell your
best friend right now, what would it say?
Don’t forget where you came from and help anyone who wants out but don’t let anyone pull you back. If you come from a bad place, getting out it not a bad thing or at least it doesn’t have to be. You don’t have to look down on where you came from either. Once you have made it out, look back and see who you inspired. They are the ones you reach back and help.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is show others it is possible to do the impossible. Focus on those who want to do the same and give encouragement to the haters. They only hate because they are scared. Don’t take their crap but don’t give any back. Your peace is more important than their hate. You can’t help those who won’t do what they need to change yet complain about the same problems day in and out. Don’t keep those people company in the valley, just keep showing them the view from the top of the mountain. It’s up to them to climb.
Break the habit of thinking that what others say is your truth. It is THEIR truth and how they view the world but has nothing to do with you. The next time you catch yourself judging someone, ask yourself what you can learn about yourself because it is all about you too. We can always learn something about ourselves when we start to judge or say something bad about someone else and if you are smart you will reflect on this.
Want to live a happy life? Be successful? Don’t waste time thinking about what others say or judging them yourself. You can’t do two things at once (not these things anyway) and if you have to choose, always choose something for your better good. You only have this one life, how do you want to spend it?
Money is like air and food; we need it to survive, but it is only a tool. Your life and work should be about your end goal. Ask yourself what you end goal is and if you aren’t living it then make some changes. Do you think you are here to work and pay taxes? Do you want that to be your life? If your answer is no, find out how you can make your life the way you want to live.
People have this amazing ability to adapt and become versatile, but they have convinced themselves otherwise. You don’t have to live according to the dogma someone else invented, and it’s all invented. There is no set way to live your life; there may be consequences, but you are still the one who makes the choices. Own those choices and make sure you are happy with them or change. You can live with little money if you are willing to change your lifestyle. No more excuses about not having money. Either make more or live with less.
Having grown up in a culture where blaming everyone from your parents to the dog down the street for your unhappiness was normal, I have found the truth to be all inside of me. I am the only one who’s perspective on a situation I can change. I am the only one allowing the negative feelings vs. the positive ones. I am the only one who can change my mind about how I think about something.
Have you ever had a change of heart about something you felt about strong? In a way, it is the same only it is more of a conscious change. You just decide you are going to be happy, or you are not going to let a person or situation make you unhappy. It is that simple and difficult at the same time. Honestly, I now find it easy to decide to have happiness rule my day because I won’t allow any more unhappiness. It took some time, but I make that decision each morning before I get out of bed now. Does that mean everything is perfect? No, but my frame of mind is perfectly handling everything.
Do you have anything you would like to add or comments you would like to share? I would love to hear from you.
Koastal Kymmy ~ Having a “real job” means I can’t work in my jammies...so I blog ~
I am not, nor have I ever claimed to be a perfect human
being. In fact, most of my life has been a series of tragedies that led to
another series of tragedies. As I look back, it’s difficult to not find it all
depressing. I doubt I am much different than you in that regard.
I was born. I got hurt. I got raped. I got jaded. I got
pregnant as a teenager. I worked my ass off to just survive. I got married way
too young. I got beat up. I got beat down. I climbed up. I got disappointed. I
rose. I fell. I succeeded. I failed. I was lied to. I lied. I got beat down
some more. I had an abortion. I nearly died several times in as many years. I
tried suicide. It didn’t take. I was disappointed by that. I powered through. I
fell again. I rose again. I lost it all. I got it all back. I fell again. I
lost everything again. I got it all back again. I fell out of love. I fell in
love. I hurt. I bled. I cried. I screamed. I waved my fists in the air. I
nearly died due to smoke inhalation. I lost my hair, my eyelashes, my pride and
my resolve. I gave up….again. I quit. I fell out of love. I fell in it again. I
struggled. I grasped at straws and I wanted to give up. Until I found a reason
not to….or rather, three reasons not to. I got better. I found it all. I lost
it all again. I loved. I hated. I reeled. I lost myself. I found myself. I had
it together. Then I didn’t have it together. I started gaining again and then?
Cancer. Again. For the second time. Just a lot worse this time. So? I wanted to
quit. Again.
In the totality of my life, sometimes I just sit back and
say, “Well, isn’t that just a bucket full of wonderful wrapped in a ribbon made
of dog shit?”
So if you think I sit alone many nights and wonder if I will
ever catch a fucking break, you’d be right.
If you think I don’t sit and have conversations with God
about how angry I am at him, you’d be wrong.
If you think I don’t trust people because I’m just a mean
old bitch, you’d only be partially right.
If you think I put out
into the Universe what I do to brag or to appear as if I have some sort of God
complex, you never really got the message to begin with.
And, in all honesty, I don’t care if you do or if you don’t.
I’m not here to compare grief-stricken resumes. I have no interest in a “pain
off”. We are all only given what we can handle.
I have endured things that would level some people. I also
haven’t had it half as bad as other people. My storm is my own to weather, just
as yours is your own to do the same.
Thing is, I realized today, in a bucket full of tears and
muffled sobs spilt over a single, sweet, completely unexpected act of kindness;
the sweetest most lovely gesture that came from someone I love to the moon and
back that I never would have expected (or ask for) especially after we haven’t
even spoken for months on end that maybe, just maybe all that shit is supposed
to have a silver lining.
Maybe it isn’t. Truth is, I don’t really know. Beauty of it
is that I’m not supposed to know either.
Neither are you.
I think sometimes we just have to let go and let God,
because just as no one else is supposed to know the storms you are asked to
walk through, the thing is, sometimes we don’t even know the storm we are asked
to walk through ourselves….unless we just let go, because the harder we hold on
to the mast head, the more likely we are to sink on the ship we should have
jumped off of ages ago. Because that ship had a lot of fucking holes in it to
begin with.
For all I do know, and for all I don’t, there is one thing I
DO believe: Giving up is NEVER an option. Ever. No matter what. Get back to
basics, get creative, cry, do whatever the hell you need to do to get to that MOMENT
where you decide that giving up just isn’t an option and then do that
whatever-it-is that keeps you from throwing in the towel, from claiming
surrender and get back in that ring, get up and serve up the biggest, hardest,
largest fuck you punch to life you can give it. You knock that bitch on her
knees. You remind her that you are one BAD bitch. Because you aren’t done yet.
Not by a long shot. And, neither am I.
From one person who doesn’t know it all to a million others,
Miss Adventures
5 Of The Only Things You Need to Know About (Real) Women
By: Miss Adventures
Awhile back I penned a blog about all of the fakes
we encounter, thanks to today’s digital world full of nothing but highlight
reels on social media and plethoras of plastic surgery cases that seem to
extend into an Ikea-esque lifestyle of everyone wanting to look the fucking
same. In this piece, I discussed the importance of being REAL. Not just in “real
life” but also in your very own digital palace of the online world. Why?
Because when people eventually know you, do business with you or even start to
get to know you, the REAL you comes out….regardless of how craftily you try to
shroud it under the multiple layers of bullshit you try to portray online.
Yeah. I said it.
And yes, person who is guilty of this sin, over and over
again, I AM talking to you.
What of it?
This leads me to another point, however. In a world full of
fake people, in a world where you literally have to CSI the shit out of things
to get down to the nitty gritty of who is real and who is not (and even then
you are wrong most times – says the voice of experience), I watched a video the
other day that gave me a chuckle….because it was REAL.
Everyone is talking about Ronda Rousey right now. And they
should. Afterall, the woman is a bonafide badass. She’s also not a DNB (Do
Nuthin’ Bitch).
I was born to do more than just be pretty and fuck
millionaires.
Brilliantly said.
Naturally, this got me to thinking about all the DNB’s I’ve
known, and it led me to craft a list of common character traits shared by real
women; traits that DNB’s simply don’t possess, because they lack intestinal
fortitude….and character….and a decent personality….and….well, that’s an
entirely new list, isn’t it?
So, without further ado, I present you with a comprehensive list
of five simple things you need to know about (real) women.
#1: Real women take ZERO shit. From anyone.
It doesn’t matter if it’s their partner, their spouse, their
mother, their father or even their child, when people are shitty, or do shitty
things, real women will call them out on their shittiness, or ignorance or
ineptitude. And some people don’t like that, but the best ones (people) respect
that. And that’s the thing about real women, they only have time for people who
respect that, not lily-livered, candyass pansies who just don’t “get it”. As far as real women are concerned, the former
type of folk can go fuck off…over there. WAY over there. (And stay there.)
#2: Real women handle their own business.
Real women do not (I repeat) DO NOT need a caretaker. They
don’t need a guardian. They don’t need a man. They can handle their own shit,
pay their own bills and are completely, 100% independent. They don’t front a
lifestyle of being independent, while trading sexual favors for a few bucks, a
complimentary dinner or a free vacation. Real women go to the store with no makeup
on and have an innate gift of just not give a rat’s ass what people think, because
real women know who and what they are….everyone else be damned.
#3: Real women care, even when they are mad.
If a real woman is angry with you, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t
care, but it does mean you’d better buck up and change the error of your ways
if you want a little tenderness. Yet, despite her stone cold demeanor when she
is upset, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t care, she just won’t give you leeway
unless leeway is well deserved.
#4: Real women own up, they don’t place blame.
Real women can admit to their faults, their mistakes and
their shortcomings. Real women know they aren’t perfect. Hell, they don’t even try
to be. Their entire hat is hung up on the coatrack of acceptance of knowing
they aren’t (nor will ever be) perfect. Real women don’t gossip. Real women don’t
spread rumors. Real women just…don’t. Real women can convey a story and explain
exactly how they were wrong in a situation, even if they weren’t 100% wrong.
#5: Real women are just….real, and they need real love,
probably more than any fake bitch you’ll ever meet.
Yes, real women are tough. They are probably the toughest of
the tough of any woman you will ever know, but that doesn’t mean you get to
take them for granted in the tenderness department. Real women won’t stand for
that either. Real women crave tenderness too. Real women need to know you love
them, you value them, you place them above all others. Real women want their
hands held, their backs rubbed, their basic human needs met, without having to
sacrifice their independence to be subservient to another human being, or
having to answer to someone (without reason). And if you fall down on this one,
a real woman will leave your ass faster than you can blink your narcissistic
eyelashes. A real woman will be as much about YOU as you are about HER, but she
doesn’t want you to be dependent, or to be dependent on you. There’s a balance
there, and if you aren’t willing to walk that tightrope, step off.
I could have written a number six, but this one should go
without saying….for EVERY woman and man out there, so I didn’t.
A REAL woman, a REAL man is loyal without fault, beyond a shadow
of a doubt. A real PERSON will eliminate all opportunities for doubt or
disloyalty when they commit to someone else. People who are real will never
leave open doors in places where doors need to be slammed and nailed shut. They
will be clear and concise with other people about this, and upfront about it,
100% of the time. A real person will not allow for even the slightest opportunity
of the past to sabotage their future. Ever. Online or off. They will delete, block
and eliminate anything else that could jeopardize it, without fail and without
question. Because they expect the same in return.
Of course, right now you are trying to justify your own
bullshit on this one. You’re saying, “But I’m different, my situation is
different, you just don’t understand….”
Bullshit.
You’re not different. Your situation is not different. And
yes, I do understand. The longer you keep the past around, the more time you
give the past to come calling and sabotage your future. And? The more you’re
wrong for it.
The harder your hold on to your past, the harder your past
holds on to you. Trouble is, your future isn’t meant to spend looking backward.
So why do you keep looking there? If something real was there, it would have
stayed with you from then until now. It would check up on you without
prompting. It would have followed you. It would refuse to let you go. It wouldn’t
go quietly into any goodnight. Real things don’t end. Fake things do.
Not all chapters in life are meant to be left open. In fact,
most aren’t. The longer you let any soul tie linger, the longer you block the
soul tie you should have in your future, and the longer you torture the people
who want to have a soul tie with you; a future with you; something real, in
lieu of something fake, superficial and meaningless.
Snip. Snip. Snip.
Either trim the fat in your life, or let the fat in your
life become the obesity of a present you will never be happy with, thanks to
your insatiable emotional gluttony.
But here’s the one thing you really need to remember today,
tomorrow and in life in general: Anything less than real just isn’t real. It
never will be either.
Share this with all the “real” people in your life to let
them know how much you appreciate them. I know I appreciate mine.
From me to you, with love,
Miss Adventures
Tactics
In
a battle plan, there are always tactical details, logistical layouts, planning
and practice and planning and practice.
Then, there is execution. Go time. No turning
back. The perfect plan is about to come to fruition.
Until it doesn’t.
Colin Powell said, “No battle plan survives contact with the
enemy.”
What if the enemy is you??
Sometimes we get in our own way. Here is an example:
I was thinking yesterday that I needed to write my to do list for today.
By this morning, it wasn’t done so I thought “I’ll just write a short one, only
the top five important things”. I went to get my pen and wondered where
the cat was. I thought I should get her a new fluffy bed. Then it
only got worse.
But first
remember: “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets
itself up against the knowledge of God, andwe take captive every thoughtto
make it obedient to Christ.” ~ 2 Cor 10:5.
Inner dialogue
It’s 11AM already?
I need a trail mix bar. I need my water, too. I have to pee.
I need to get my password so I can do my homework. But I haven’t sprayed
outside yet. And I need to get the blog posted. I hope I did the
right share buttons. What a weird dream last night. I have to call
the A/C people. I need to read that article for the blog. I haven’t
vacuumed! I still need to get tuna for the cats. I really have to
pee! I wonder if I should email the FBI about that spam text from the
Middle East. I have too many emails,oh my gosh. What is that stupid password? I
can’t think on a full bladder! I need to charge my phone. I can
plug it in…by the vacuum.
IwishI was making this up.
The
original plan? Write my to do list. The current plan?
Survive.
So, what to do?
Tactical alchemy
Alchemy is defined
as: “Any magical power or process of transmuting a common substance,
usually of little value, into a substance of great value.”
Let me translate:
“common substance…of little value” = worry
“substance of great value” = productivity and your sanity
Truth
be told, there is no magicanything, however these 5 little steps have helped me
when I’m about to lose it so I’m sharing in case they might help you:
1.Stop. Stop
freaking out. It doesn’t do you any good anyway. “Can any one of
you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” ~ Matthew 6:27.
2.Breathe.
Deeply. And if on the exhale a cleansing scream comes out, so be it.
3.Focus. There are
distractions and things to do EVERYWHERE if you look for them. And the
big enemy will put every shiny, moving one of them in front of you because
that’s how he rolls. You have to purposely think on and aim for your target
goal, not his, and defeat those distractions. “I have given you authority
to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy;
nothing will harm you.” ~ Luke 10:19
4.Pray. Well,
duh. “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for…my yoke is easy and my
burden is light.” ~ Matthew 11:29-30. And I personally like to add in
binding the enemy…it just makes me feel better.
5.Elephantit.
There’s a saying, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” Even though some days it feels like we’re stirring food in the pan while
driving kids to some kind of practice while attending a Board meeting while weaving our
underwater basket…we are not. And we can’t. Do one thing at a time. Then
do the next.
I like to throw in small, easy things in between big things so I
can cross those off my list, mental or written. When you accomplish
something, it releases endorphins and gives you super powers, and then you are
even more productive.
You wake up with a plan but are confident and flexible enough to go with the flow. Plan your week ahead of time and take some time the night before to tweak the following day.
You don’t rush everywhere; you have planned your day. There’s a train of thought that highly successful people follow the rule that “if it isn’t scheduled, it doesn’t get done”. There are so many hours in a day, plan wisely and stop doing what is not on your schedule.
You sleep better because you know what’s coming, emergencies aside. Worrying won’t make anything better, and when you go to sleep, there’s nothing better than knowing what the next day holds for you.
You are happier because you are running your day and not letting your day run you. “Busy” is not necessarily a great thing. Take your time to breathe and focus on what you are doing. Running around like a chicken with its head cut off never solved anything.
You have more time to do things you like because you make sure to balance out your schedule with work, family, friends, travel, spirituality, physical exercise, etc. How many people do you know who haven’t had a vacation with their family, taken time to exercise or spent time with friends in awhile? Why? As we say in Texas..."This ain’t no dress rehearsal ya’all!" You accept you don’t know everything, AND you accept that that is okay. You don’t have to; you just need to know who does. Super person you may not be, but then again neither is anyone else.
You suffer no anxiety and no stress because the worst thing that can happen is if you die...and maybe that’s an exciting journey in itself. The point is, there are always ups and downs and sometimes things don’t go according to plan but if you ride that rollercoaster of emotions, then you might take that journey sooner than you want.
You know how to say “No.” but you also know how to prioritize for those times you need to say “Yes.” When your schedule is full don’t be afraid to say “No.” Be smart enough and flexible enough to know when you should tweak your schedule to allow for something you hadn’t planned.
You take care of yourself because you know making you a priority is not selfish, it means you can take care of everyone who needs you.
You do what you love, not for the money, because that is what will earn you more than a living...it will earn you a beautiful life. Of course, money is part of life but you can do what you love AND make money. If you aren’t, then make a plan for how you can and work it.
Sit up straight, close your mouth and suck it up buttercup! Okay, maybe not but...if you keep reading now you are one step closer to not being a pansy.
Do you take things personally? Are you too shy to talk to people? Have a problem taking charge? Getting rolled by people who shouldn’t get the time of day from you? You may be a pansy. You’re probably wondering how I know. It’s because I used to be a pansy too.
Seriously now, I can tell you from my experience that your life will get much better once you stop being afraid of pissing everyone off and just be yourself. Why? Because you won’t be taking on everyone else’s baggage or letting them use you for their own evil plans. After all, you MUST have your own evil plan to take over the library or ice cream stand right?
Here are a few ways I found that helped me:
Self-esteem or subliminal motivational videos or audio recordings. Schedule about 15-20 minutes a day and watch or listen to them. This routine may seem silly, but it does work. The more confident you are, the less you whine and complain.
Stop taking everything so personally. I promise you there is nobody in this world committed to making you the focus of their life. Their focus is ALWAYS about them, the way they are feeling and about how they feel. Once you realize this and let go, you will have so much more energy and time to keep up with your life.
Make a list of everything you accomplish every day. Do this at the end of each day and then plan your next day. You will see all you have managed to get done and it will inspire you to plan the next day. None of us gives ourselves the credit we give to others, and it hurts us.
Watch the way you talk to yourself. If you wouldn’t talk to someone else that way then stop talking to yourself that way. If you wouldn’t want someone to talk to you, that way then don’t talk to yourself that way. Why do you deserve less than someone else? This goes back to self-confidence, and it is your job to treat you the way you want others to treat you. You are setting the example for others to follow.
Stop whining, complaining and sniveling. If your life isn’t the way you want, it’s because of your choices. If your job sucks, get a different job. Oh...you can’t because insert excuse here? Nope, you can’t because you accept your excuse. Don’t like where you’re living? Move. Oh...you can’t because insert excuse here? Nope, you can’t because you accept your excuse. Here’s an example “I can’t start a blog because I don’t have a computer.” “Not having a computer” is an excuse. There are libraries with computers you can use.
Stop letting other people walk all over you. Next time someone wants you to do something different than what you have planned, simply say “No.” It is a complete sentence, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation. If people are used to you explaining things will be a little awkward but they will get used to it...and so will you. This goes back to self-confidence. Seeing a pattern here?
Want to start a business but your husband, friends, and family tell you it’s a bad idea or try to talk you out of it? First off, they are usually the worst people to talk to about something like this unless they have one of their own. You should look for Facebook groups, forums or do a search for advice on the internet. Talk to the SBA, they have tons of resources for you to browse and people ready to help you. Most of the time, people you know want you to stay the same because it scares them for you to change. It scares them because they don’t want you to change and because it makes them feel unsuccessful. It’s always about them and not in the best interest of your plans or goals.
If you don’t have a booger hanging out of your nose then get out there and meet people, network. Hell, even if you do have a booger, get out there because people will remember you. Just kidding but all of us can feel like we have to have perfect hair, the right clothes or any number of other excuses to stay in our “safe” zone. Guess what? Those people you are going to get out there and meet have the same feelings. The difference? They got out there...booger and all.
Do something new each and every week. Something you have never done or you are afraid to do. This will show you that sometimes what you fear is nothing to fear at all. Maybe you are still afraid or uncomfortable afterward, but you can still say you did it, and that will sure boost your confidence. There’s that “C” word again.
Reach out to someone you feel would listen to you and talk to them. Maybe a mentor, a friend, a coworker or anyone you trust. Sometimes all we need is to lay it out to someone else. Maybe they have some ideas for you, maybe you realize something while talking about it, or maybe they just give you the support you need by listening. I promise it will be worth it.
The next time you feel like a pansy, remember there are others who feel the same as you. Also, remember that some of those others put their fear aside and did what they wanted without whining. I bet if you did an internet search you would find a lot of household names who can tell you their stories about going from pansy to pretty awesome.
Honestly, that “fight” inside you is ready to come out but only you can make that happen. What are you going to do today to let yourself be who you want? We would love to hear your stories and comments.
Co-Authored by -
Koastal Kymmy ~ Having a “real job” means I can’t work in my jammies...so I blog ~
Shauna is a nationally syndicated, renowned columnist who has put a specific emphasis on real estate and personal finance. Shauna has been featured on the front page of Yahoo.com, CNN Money, Realtor.com, MSN Money, Active Rain, Trulia and Zillow (among others).
Shauna has also been a featured speaker on a variety of radio and talk shows as well as Huffington post video panel discussions and been requested to speak on a myriad of issues all throughout Texas, including advocacy against domestic violence, and empowering women through self-education.
