Okay people, focus. I have a lot to say in a short window.
But I suppose I’ll begin from the beginning. It is, after all, the most logical
place to start.
Focus
This week has been a challenging one for me on a personal
level. A lot bubbled to the surface; my head was pounding with thoughts from last
week that carried into to this one. On Wednesday, my emotional roller coaster came
to a crescendo with a four-hour phone call that left me bawling my eyes out for
hours. No, not because I was sad, not because I was angry and not even because
I was upset; I was just emotionally exhausted. I went in my room, shut the door
and let myself cry.
Then, the next day (ironically, spaghetti Thursday in my
house), it hit me. I picked a dry noodle up off of the ground. For no reason at
all, I broke it in half, then, I broke those two halves into two more, and
continued on, until I didn’t have the strength to break them anymore. Suddenly,
it hit me. The more you break something, the stronger the pieces become.
Stay with me. I have a
point.
Forethought
Thursday put things into focus. I put some forethought into
my life and made the conscious decision to be positive, be happy and walk
through the day with a smile on my face. After all, if life taught me anything,
it taught me that the best way to cheer yourself up is by cheering someone else
up.
Hiding in Plain Sight
That notion, however, got me to thinking even more deeply.
And thinking deeply (as it most often does) got me frustrated. They -- whoever ‘they’
are -- say that a picture is worth a thousand words. And I agree with the
faceless, nameless ‘thems’.
The only problem is that sometimes the words pictures are
worth are nothing more than a pack of lies. If we looked at everyone’s life
based on their Facebook photos or personal albums -- or even status updates --,
we would see nothing but a sea of shining, happy, somewhat politically correct
people with minimal authenticity. And yes, lack of authenticity is a big
problem for me, because, quite frankly, it creates resentment from my seat…but stick with
me, again, I’m going somewhere with this.
But here’s the thing: When you look at all of those status
updates, the smiling photos and the façade that we all put up, you have to
remember that no one photographs the moments when we are weak, when we break down.
Few people document them and fewer still publicize them. And it’s because we’d
rather forget those moments, and we certainly don’t want anyone else to see the
chinks in our armor.
Even though those moments that break us like a spaghetti
noodle are the ones that make us stronger, the ones that build our character
and the ones that expose our naked vulnerability that matter most. It's these moments that actually give us the
power to have someone else (maybe) feel their own vulnerability and better still, may be able to help
them get through whatever they are trying to get through.
Then, I realized that sometimes it’s okay not to be okay. And it’s even okay to share that. We are all human, we all have our own unique struggles and we can share them in a way that doesn’t give all the details (unless we want to), but sharing that vunerability can help someone else open up their own vulnerability, and perhaps even help them make the changes they need too…who knows, I’m probably getting ahead of myself, but humor me.
Then, I realized that sometimes it’s okay not to be okay. And it’s even okay to share that. We are all human, we all have our own unique struggles and we can share them in a way that doesn’t give all the details (unless we want to), but sharing that vunerability can help someone else open up their own vulnerability, and perhaps even help them make the changes they need too…who knows, I’m probably getting ahead of myself, but humor me.
Forgiveness
Anger weighs you down so heavily. There is no point in
holding on to it. I’m finally making my peace with something that has been
challenging for me to do, after a very, very long time. Yet, I’m extending my
olive branch even further than I normally do. I’m making my peace with people
who deserve it and even those who don’t. Mostly, because carrying that burden of
anger and internal rage is exhausting. Having the weight of the world on my
shoulders just don’t fit anymore. However, most importantly, I finally started
to learn how to forgive myself. Because, truth be told, there is no one in this
world who is harder on me than I am. I imagine it’s the same for many of you.
Stay Calm and Trust
in Fate
Skip ahead. I had another difficult phone call on Friday
evening. Yet, Friday night, I went to a benefit and I grinned my biggest grins
and shook it off. I made up my mind to have a good time. And I did.
Then, I took Saturday to think, to lock myself away in my
fortress of solitude and just ponder my own ponderings. I sat in a room for a
while, quietly, and pondered many things. And, as do many of my deep
ponderings, it all started with my being able to open up to close friend of
mine, who helped me put a lot of what was weighing me down in perspective. At
the end of my self-imposed thought session, I came to these five personal
truths, but (most importantly) I think that these truths are not exclusive to me (I told you I had a
point here), which is why I want to share them with you today:
We can’t keep walls around our hearts, not forever. We have
to allow ourselves the permission to take a risk, to get hurt. And bank on the
fact that we will, but also to know that it’s okay.
We need to give ourselves permission to feel our feelings
and allow that permission to extend to those around us -- letting them feel
theirs too. Feel it, embrace it, move on, but quit putting Band-Aids on bigger
problems. Talk it out, and let it go.
If you fall (and you will), give yourself a net, or at least
have someone in place who can catch you.
Be crazy and bold enough to believe that there is a little
bit of magic left in the world, masquerading as fate, and that if you are patient
for just a little longer, you might be lucky enough to see it. Because,
sometimes things are meant to happen just the way they are happening right now, even
though we don’t understand them. And maybe, it’s because those things are
designed to catapult us somewhere else, or even right back to where we began.
Lastly, believe in people, and do your best to never shut
anyone out. For out of hope, faith, charity and love, the greatest of these is
love. And it always will be.
What about you? What
have you learned this week?
My “Soundtrack of Life” selection today is a song that
vividly impacted me when I heard it. The reasons why, of course, are my own,
but I imagine there is something applicable to us all in these lyrics. I hope
it does the same thing for you that it did for me: instill hope. So that’s it.
That’s the Sunday edition. I hope you enjoyed staying here as much as I enjoyed
having you here, and if you didn’t, I really don’t care. :P
Of course, if there is a topic or suggestion you have for me
that you would like to me tackle, leave it in the comments!
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