I am going to preface my blog today by saying that I don’t believe that people are all bad or all good. I don’t. I do, however, believe that there is a severe disease when it comes to a paradoxically parasitic type of thinking that occurs in groups. And I can say this, because I was l deep into this particular thought methodology for longer than I should have been.
Not Proud
The next thing I have to say is that I’m not proud. I’m not
proud of the mean, nasty person I became when I subscribed to a mentality of
believing I needed anyone else’s approval or blessing when it came to how I
lived my own life, or the choices I made in it. I’m not proud of her. Not at
all. I shouldn't be. While I built certain relationships, I also lost touch with me.
This is Where It
Comes Out
Next, I am going to say that I was brought certain people in
my life to help me when I needed help. For that help, assistance and ability to
vent I am (and will forever be) truly grateful. I hold absolutely no ill will,
other than what happens next.
The Thought Process
There are times in your life that too much gets shared, too
much is seen; far too much of what should be private is held in the eyes of far
too many people. People who might mean well, but who have absoultely no idea how to help you navigate the complicated waters you are navigating; people who give you advice that ends up being detrimental, more than helpful, regardless of intent.
As the adage goes, too many chefs spoil the broth. When I
realized this, I took a step back. After I blew up on them, I sought assistance and counsel from a professonal. That professional advised me to cut some people out of my life for a time, just to see what would happen. And when I did, chaos ensued.
Then, even when I went to said group and did my commupence, and apolgized, I received nothing in return. Because they had, already, as a group come to a consensus. Even though said consensus was all wrong.
And This Is When I
Saw
Originally, I was going to go to war. I had passwords I
shouldn’t have, screenshots of conversations I shouldn’t have and PLENTY of
material that would have brought many a person to their knees. There were so
many wrong assumptions, so many lies, so many hateful and nasty comments that
it would have sent anyone reeling. And, I admit, I did reel, for a time. Then,
I turned it off. I stopped looking. I stopped worrying about it.
It was at that point, I realized the most important thing about the entire thing:
Those things were what they were. As wrong, as ill informed, as ridiculous as
they were, as passive aggressive as the status updates became (and I’m
certainly guilty of doing this myself…but only for a weekend, no longer), I
realized something else: My life is bigger than just a few people. It always
has been and it always will be. And out of all of the things I read, all of the things
that I COULD post, all of the things I could use to defame and destroy, that really would only serve to hurt
people that didn’t deserve to be hurt in the fallout. Me, them, and the innocent. There was so much evil that went in on that group, so much hate, so many catty coments that it would only serve to hurt everyone involved, and everyone spoken about. And that...that is just wrong. And it's wrong because not a single one of us was qualified to talk about anyone else in that manner, including me, and sometimes especially me.
So That's the End of It
At the end of
the day, this ‘group’ preferred to talk about me rather than to me – among others…and
I myself am guilty of the same. My silence to said group (and about it) proved my professional correct. Sadly,
horribly, completely correct. And it broke my heart. In more ways that I can
every put into words.
This is What Happens
When You Get Into GroupThink
My professional told me to put these few people on my
restricted list on Facebook. I did. These few people wanted to think that being
on my restricted list was because I was hiding things from them or talking
about them; that made me laugh. They wanted to believe that I was making posts
about them, when I wasn’t.
In fact, the only reason they were on that list was because I
got TIRED of the catty comments and status updates; the likes on statuses that
shouldn’t have been liked, because they knew me better than that. Or, at least,
they should have. But they didn’t. Not a single one of them. And that’s
perfectly okay. At least with me. Because I got it. I finally, finally ‘got it’.
You See, Here is the
Thing
Throughout this “ride”, I opened up my heart, my home, my
life to these same people just as much as they did for me. At the end of the
day, I chalk all of this up to the same a failed relationship. But I will also say this: I’m not
sad. I’m not sorry; not anymore, not after seeing all that I have seen.
But see, I’m also eternally optimistic. I always believe
that people can heal, become better, recharge and reshape themselves…but only if
they really want to. However, in order to do so, they HAVE to break away from the pack and seek advice from
people who have the education, knowledge, experience and education to really
help them. And then, choose to help themselves. If you don’t…you get stuck. You
get stuck in a rut of “acceptance” from your peers; you don’t strive for better,
you don’t grow, you don’t challenge yourself. And if you do none of those
things, you really are already dead.
War? It’s over rated. It’s just a call to drama. There is
more strength in gentleness than there will ever be in catty comments or nasty
updates any day of the week. So…have at it. And when you realize you are wrong,
that you’ve been wrong about it all, all along, that will be your cross to
bear, not mine. Until that day, I wish you nothing but health, love, prosperity
and wellness. Why? Because it’s the right thing to do, because that’s the
product of independent thought.
I don't pretend that my life is perfect. I might be a mess, but at least I own it. And, at the end of the day, authenticity counts for more than faking it ever will. Eventually, everyone learns this lesson. Until that day, I only wish those who would wish me ill will peace, harmony and happiness. So there you have it.
My soundtrack of life song comes to you direct from my heart: Fly. Because no one has ever held me down before, so don't think you'll begin now:
0 comments