The riots in Baltimore did what any racially and politically
charged argument always does on social media….it brought out people’s tempers.
And, just like it always does, it ended in an aftermath of dissolved social
media friendships, some real life friendships and even defriending of mutual
friends of said social media...blah...blah...blah.
Captions like, “Well if you agree with this person, we can’t
be friends….” And so on flooded my newsfeed, and yours. With relentless precision. Just like any politically charged bullshit shall do.
But, it doesn’t end there.
I was also watching a film yesterday on how our digital world
is changing, and harming, our very fleshy landscape. The dichotomy of social
media has changed much of how we behave, and a lot of it has not been in a
positive way.
(Despite the fact that I still believe the change has been
more positive than negative, overall.)
Here are some examples of what I found that ended in bloodshed over a STUPID social media spat:
People getting into online spats and setting other people’s
homes on fire.
People stabbing people to death over an argument on Facebook
over $20 measly dollars.
Couples literally murdering other couples.
People murdering other people.
But that's the thing. Here's the truth. With or without social media, one thing remains true:
There are some sick puppies in this world…..
Fact is, most of these people are so screwed up in the head, they are likely to do something anyway, so blaming social media is a coward's way out.
Yes. I said that.
Fact is, most of these people are so screwed up in the head, they are likely to do something anyway, so blaming social media is a coward's way out.
Yes. I said that.
However, as horrendous as the actions of these individuals
were, there is an even more sinister, nefarious side to these circumstances;
something widely overlooked. Something we have come to know via the Facebook
world as “Mutual Friends Syndrome”.
You know, the folks you have in common with someone until a post-apocalyptic
fall out with someone else.
It’s in these situations of dissolved mutual connections
that mutual friends have three choices: They can become collateral damage,
spies, or bow out as disinterested third parties who don't want to be awarded
to one Facebook tribe or another.
Herein lies the problem. Far too many of these 'mutual' folks take up
the mantle of spy.
They scroll, troll and report on lives and individuals that have intentionally since distanced themselves from, or eliminated from, certain folks every intricate detail of what they are doing, where they are, who they are with; their lives altogether, with
the only goal in their moderately intelligent, somewhat sociopath brains: being to cause drama and dissension wherein they can watch said fall out in real time.
In fact, in the film I was watching, this was the case nearly
every time. Nine times out of 10, it was the "MUTUAL" friends who were MORE of a problem than the problem itself.
Think on that for a moment.
Think on that for a moment.
People sharing posts, sharing comments, and even going to
far as to manipulate other people into believing that EVERY SINGLE POST one
party made was about the other even after the argument was concluded. Regardless
of whether or not that was the truth.
How many times have you posted something that someone who it was not meant for took personally? Have you ever experienced someone being angry with you for something you posted without validating it first? Have you ever been passive aggressive on Facebook and noticed a dwindling of your friend count?
Thank the "mutuals". They are assholes. Not all of them, but most of them.
How many times have you posted something that someone who it was not meant for took personally? Have you ever experienced someone being angry with you for something you posted without validating it first? Have you ever been passive aggressive on Facebook and noticed a dwindling of your friend count?
Thank the "mutuals". They are assholes. Not all of them, but most of them.
Yet, they have no stake in any argument do they? They have no dog in any fight. They just sat back, watched
the aftermath of whatever blowout occured and enjoyed the continual Jerry Springer-esque pixelated picture show
with glee, knowing they can feed into it.
This, boys and girls, is the ULTIMATE asshole. Delete. Block. Done. Or continue on your journey to dramaville. Either way, that's how it works.
This, boys and girls, is the ULTIMATE asshole. Delete. Block. Done. Or continue on your journey to dramaville. Either way, that's how it works.
And it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt, isn’t
it?
Granted, the folks participating in the arguments in the
first place could have set boundaries when it came to mutual friends and
screenshots etc., telling them they didn’t care and didn’t want them to send
anymore….but, as we are all only human, sometimes rage puts logic in the
backseat.
Which leads me to ask, when it comes to these types of vicious,
violent scenarios, who is TRULY to blame? Of course, I am not excusing people
for setting houses on fire, murder or other such carnage. That would be
ridiculous. I am, however, also not excusing the role of those who had a part
to play in such disastrous affairs.
Because they had a part to play as well.
A large one.
And, frankly, I don’t think that this is discussed nearly
enough.
While I have been on the receiving end of screenshots and
ugly messages of my own, and while I have even had an occasional meltdown over
such things, I do have a tendency to want to delete my wrongs and make them
right. I have said and done things I regretted doing. Then again, who hasn’t?
After taking down things I wish I hadn’t done, I will
address it, I will take accountability for my end and I will move on. I have
set boundaries with friends who are arguing, telling them I don’t want to hear about
it, because I refuse to be put in the middle of that situation. Sometimes I
have done so quite gently, and other times I have done so quite firmly –
depending on what the situation has called for.
If I am asked to “spy”, my answer is always a resolute, “NO.”
I have also been known to message people (even people I don’t
like) in arguments I am not even involved in and ask them to please take down ugly posts or comments etc, because I
believed they were “above that”. Because I believed them to be a better person
than that. Because I knew it was only going to give trolls more fuel to add to
a fire that was already spinning out of control.
Funny thing is, I’ve rarely had someone do that for me.
Maybe it’s because most people know I will ultimately do the
right thing, even if an occasional meltdown is imminent….I don’t know, and that
doesn’t matter anyway.
But what I do know is this….I have ALWAYS, 100 percent of
the time, without fail had people send me the screenshots and hateful messages
that others have posted about me….until I told them I would no longer tolerate
it. Until I made the command decision to stop feeding the trolls.
We give people the power we grant them, based on our
reaction to their sharing of information. We also let them take our power when
we do.
Think about that.
Then? Stop feeding the trolls.
Yet, at the same time, knowing that there are so many people
who have nothing better to do than stir the proverbial shit pot, I also have to
wonder, if once a relationship is over, once people have been deleted and
blocked, should the mutual friends who are closest to them also be removed in
an effort to protect yourself from their purposefully gossiping about your life
to your ex-whatever? But even extending further than that, how do you cut out a
cancer that refuses to reveal itself?
In a digital landscape, where it is becoming increasingly
difficult to identify people without enough integrity to remove themselves from
your life, because their only intention is to spy on every little thing you do
and ‘report back to their gossipy overlord’, how do you know who to vanquish and who to leave be?
While I don’t have a definitive answer on how to do this, on
how to vaccinate ourselves from this type of human disorder, I do know this:
feeding into it is the biggest part of the problem.
Think about that too.
In my mind, the secret to success is to just not give a shit
about haters and trolls as a whole. Because ugly, nasty, hateful, gossipy
people will always exist…and that’s okay. But it’s also okay to set boundaries against such nonsensical behavior,
to delete and block those who clearly have nefarious intentions in fostering
such behaviors, when we are ready to make room for people who don’t do such
things – or who, at least, we hope won’t.
It’s always a double edged sword. It’s always a gamble. It's easy for people to lie on social media.
It's also, easy, however, (dear liars) to read between the lines.
It's also, easy, however, (dear liars) to read between the lines.
Still, it’s okay to roll the dice.
So the next time you are inclined to spy, or
just want to start drama because you’re bored and have nothing better to do,
the best advice I have to you is...don’t. Stop participating and being part of
the problem….and go do something productive instead. For a life lived for
social media drama really isn’t much of a life at all. A life lived building something you can pass on to your family, is something to be proud of. Gossip lasts a few days, hours or months. Ingenuity lasts for lifetimes....because ingenuity can be passed down. Fakness can too, but fakness always has an expiration date. Ingenuity does not. Stop feeding the machine and teach the machine what to be fed. Stop following trends. Start setting them.
Sincerely Yours,
Miss Adventures
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