In April of 2013, things changed.
We became more than friends. A lot more. I remember it vividly. It was April
25, 2013 when he told me that he loved me for the first time. He said, “I love
you, do you love me?”
I cocked my head to the side and said, “Of course I do.”
“But why?” He inquired.
I replied, “Because you are you.”
He grinned the grin that I came
to crave over the next few years. And…all was right with the world.
It was then that things got
better, than worse, than much better and then much worse and then…suddenly
became fantastic. But, I am getting ahead of myself…
We progressed as normal during
that month. Two weeks later, he threw me a birthday party. The night before my
birthday, he dedicated this song to me. Of course, I swooned.
That evening, quite the
gentleman, he picked me up at 7pm, on the dot, despite much bitching about it
beforehand. All night, he made sure I was taken care of, cared for, and he
would often sneak up behind me and plant a kiss on my shoulder, or on my neck.
When we drove home that night, it was the first time I caught a glimpse of
someone I didn’t yet know….the ‘scared’ him. He said, “I haven’t been in a relationship for nine years. I haven’t let anyone get close to me. I don’t know how you have done it, but you have, and you scare the hell out of me.”
It was at that moment, I knew I
had a place in his heart….a place no one else could take away.
We carried on as normal for the
next few weeks, but now there was a new element to our relationship; one that
neither one of us quite knew how to handle. And I remember our first fight. It
was because of that first fight that I came to realize just how deeply I was in
love with that man. And that was June.
As most things do, it began
thanks to someone on the outside -- someone from his past, that I didn't even know was in his past -- conniving their way into our relationship. Asking me what
appeared to be “innocent” questions on the surface, only to find out that
person was quite jealous that he chose me over her. Funny how that works.
I remember giving him a verbal
tongue lashing that night that would make a sailor blush when I found out about
their interactions prior, and when I found out why she did what she did. I
remember hanging up on him. Then, I remember getting trapped in my own garage….and
of course the first person I called was him. And, of course, he laughed at me.
Which, in turn, made me laugh at myself.
It was June 12. And it was that
night that I was so mad at him (for nothing) that I couldn’t figure out why. It
wasn’t until the next morning that I realized, it was because I was head over
heels for him. But, of course, stubborn bull that I am, I wouldn’t admit it.
A few weeks after that, we went
to a formal event. And he, being the dunce he was, allowed himself to get
manipulated by yet another “friend” and yet another argument ensued. "Hold my purse," became a joke between us years after.
And the moment he realized I was miffed, he grabbed my hand, kissed it and said, "You look beautiful. I should tell you that more often."
I responded with a smile, "Yes, you really should." As I walked away, feeling like I had a win.
Despite the tension, the night ended with both of us, laying in his front lawn, in full formal attire and laughing at midnight, under the full moon. He laid there and said to me, "What do you want from me?"
I replied, "I just want YOU, stupid."
And then we kissed...as cars pulled by and rubbernecked at the obstacle in the front yard. It was the perfect ending to that night. As were most of our nights, despite the interference we encountered.
And the moment he realized I was miffed, he grabbed my hand, kissed it and said, "You look beautiful. I should tell you that more often."
I responded with a smile, "Yes, you really should." As I walked away, feeling like I had a win.
Despite the tension, the night ended with both of us, laying in his front lawn, in full formal attire and laughing at midnight, under the full moon. He laid there and said to me, "What do you want from me?"
I replied, "I just want YOU, stupid."
And then we kissed...as cars pulled by and rubbernecked at the obstacle in the front yard. It was the perfect ending to that night. As were most of our nights, despite the interference we encountered.
So, we kept on, as usual over the
next few months. Although, we started spending even more time together during
that time. We would see one another nearly every night. He still called at
least three times a day. I could nearly set my watch by his texts and calls
throughout the day and through the night.
We began getting comfortable… He
would grill and leave me a plate in the microwave when I worked late. We would
cook together on the weekend and I would pack enough for him to eat throughout
the week – for the times I wasn’t around. He, however, was still so difficult that he drove me insane. It was clear to the world that we were together, an item, a couple, but he wouldn't allow it to happen.
Even though we were already planning on spending the holidays together; even though we ended up hosted a Fourth of July cookout, we still managed us throughout it all. We wandered the world, and everything seemed fine…that is, until the “vacation”.
Even though we were already planning on spending the holidays together; even though we ended up hosted a Fourth of July cookout, we still managed us throughout it all. We wandered the world, and everything seemed fine…that is, until the “vacation”.
He was planning a vacation to Cancun that year, toward the end of July. I had
no vacation time at my place of employment at the time, so I couldn’t go. When I found out he had asked someone else to go in my stead, someone
who was an ex-girlfriend, I was livid. I was so hurt...I just didn't understand. I couldn't understand. Why on Earth would he want to spend so much time with me but yet still be pursuing his past? I said nothing to him about my knowledge. In fact, to this day, I have said nothing...but I knew. And that knowing broke every shred of my heart. He was so insistent upon us staying friends, but yet still wanted me around so badly, but still couldn't let go of something so long gone that I found my heart torn into tiny pieces. In fact, to this day, it still is.
The night he was scheduled to leave, I was so livid, in fact, that I blocked him and deleted him from Facebook. It was July 31, 2013, at 10:42 pm. I remember, because I did it moments after his last post, “Tomorrow I will be on a beach and away from drama.”
The night he was scheduled to leave, I was so livid, in fact, that I blocked him and deleted him from Facebook. It was July 31, 2013, at 10:42 pm. I remember, because I did it moments after his last post, “Tomorrow I will be on a beach and away from drama.”
Naturally, I gave him my final…well,
saying that I use often that is a word beginning with the letter “F”.
He was scheduled to leave the
county at 3 in the morning. And, while he was in line at the airport, getting
ready to get on a plane, my house caught on fire at 12:42 a.m. on August 1 –
that same night. And, by 1:30 a.m. I was in an emergency room getting intubated
for smoke inhalation, with second degree burns up and down my arm, most of my
hair gone, my eyelashes burnt off and blisters all on my face. For all intents
and purposes, as he was boarding a plane to sandy, “drama free” beaches, without a clue as to what was going on with me, I was
dead to the world until 11 am the next morning.
For more, you'll have to read Part 4.
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